Doing well :-)

I've felt the need to run away all week.  Work has been beyond stressful.  I could honestly stay for 24 straight hours and not be caught up.  I do the job of 4 people at our other offices.  But I still love it.  I am so blessed to work for the most patient, caring boss of all times.  I love that his wife is one of my best friends.

This has been the best weekend of my life, or at least in the top 5. :-)

Education for the Post-Graduate

I have, and probably always will, love school!! There's something about discovering a subject or detail that makes you say, "Wow!" I will always remember a 3rd grade G/T assignment over Egyptian culture. Ever since, I've been obsessed with mummies. I actually cried in a museum the first time I saw a real one. Such joy fills my heart...and all thanks to a teacher who was just doing her job.

Going to college was an adventure. Sure, I had those classes that were uninteresting and worthless, but I also experienced incredible growth and expansion of my strengths, interests, and loves.

Being out of college has been hard. I went to flight attendant training last summer and had the opportunity to learn a crazy fun skill, but the last 11 months have been a little empty. I have always wanted to be a life-long learner, but I still am not sure in what I want to get my master's degree. I don't want to waste time (or money) taking classes in a subject area I'm not convinced I'll love. So, I continue to wait...

Thankfully, the avenue I've so been looking for literally dropped itself into my mailbox this week. A community college in my town offers dozens of continuing education classes for a wonderful price. I can pick and choose classes that simply interest me and not worry about grades, failure, homework, or an outrageous class. Want to know what I just signed up for? "Basics of Writing a Novel" and "Ceramics I" :) I love writing (obviously), and I love art.

I'm so excited!

Sometimes I wish my thoughts could be a streaming blog. Around 1 p.m., right after lunch, I have my most brilliant thoughts, and so rarely have pen or paper in the vicinity. I often script in my mind exactly what I'll say but usually can't even remember the basic thought once I'm in front of a computer. You'd think I'd learn.

Telling

I'm a pretty systematic, predictable person. I tend to respond to a situation the same way I have before. When confronted with a dilemna, my course of action rarely changes.

Similarly, my blogs are often telling of my true feelings, albeit indirectly. When I'm upset or sad, the blog will be dark, even without addressing the source of my thoughts. When I'm happy, you'll probably get smiley faces and pictures. When I'm making a major change or embarking in a new relationship, I'm cryptic. However, when my thoughts are overwhelming, I don't blog at all.

I'm one of those people who, if you want to know something, ask me. I'm going to tell you. Though, in blog form, I can't seem to open up. Maybe it's the public audience. Maybe it's the fear of criticism. Who knows...

Tonight, I'm in a weird mood and I want to be open and telling, but I just can't bring myself to be. I'm quite irritated. I feel like a pawn in a bigger game.

Christen

Partly true piece of fiction

Her friend leaned over and asked how she was feeling. She paused and gave a quizzical look, "I don't know."

The question lingered in her mind throughout the entire evening. Why didn't she have a straight answer?

On the drive home, the thought plagued her. What was this feeling?

Sadness? No. She was a crier, so tears would be present if she was sad.

Anger? No again. The anger had subsided weeks ago.

Disappointment? She tried the word out on her lips. "Disappointment." It seemed to want to fit, but that still wasn't it.

Peace? No, definitely not peace. It was far too heavy to be peace.

"Nothing."

"I feel... Nothing."

The word seemed odd and yet-- true.

"Nothing. I'm okay with that."

Feeling nothing meant she wasn't feeling all these other emotions, which brought a sense of contentment and almost... Joy. She could handle nothing. She liked nothing. Nothing was the best feeling she had felt in five months.

Three, two, one...

I'm two seconds away from losing my mind.

The building where I work is under major renovations. I sit at a folding table right now because my old desk was destroyed and my new desk has not arrived.

In the room I work, the following things are happening simultaneously:
- Shelving is being hung with a drill and hammer
- The carpet is being cleaned by an industrial sized vacuum cleaner
- The baseboards are being nailed into place

Even with headphones shoved in my ears, the noise is unbearable. I can feel my blood pressure rising. My concentration is next to nothing. And my work is continuously piling up as a result.

Maybe no one will notice if I scream...

I can almost feel my toes in the sand

I had a chill evening at Starbucks last night. There's something about a caramel macchiato that brings clarity and sense to your life.

Next week is a wedding I have been anticipating for months. I'll be traveling to Destin, FL to sit beachside as one of my friends marries the love of her life. Ironically, this love is my ex-boyfriend's brother. And said ex-boyfriend is the best man.

Now, I know what you're thinking, "That seems like torture." Well...such is life. I am consciously walking into next week's events with a high head and a big ol' smile because I wouldn't miss my friend's day for anything, not even to avoid a potentially awkward situation.

It's bittersweet, really. I'll get to witness the biggest day of her entire life. I'll get to see our friends as well as her new in-laws who, by the way, are the coolest family in the world. Plus, I'll get two days at the beach with no distractions. Sounds like a pretty good package in exchange for an awkward side hug and meaningless small talk. ;)

Hope you're having a great week.