Forgiveness when it hurts the most

Today has been a rough day. The kind that makes you wish you could climb up into your parents' bed, cover your head with the sheets, and just disappear. As much as I wanted to wallow in my sadness or hold on to my anger for weeks, I woke up knowing that the Lord has called me to forgiveness.

I was hurt last night by a thoughtless act from a friend. A friend whom I greatly value. The details of what transpired are not important. What is important is the way we both responded.

I was quick to anger. I admittedly struggle with anger, something the Lord and I are working through. I took myself home and put myself to bed. If I'm asleep, I can't lash out, which was the goal.

This morning, the sunlight brought clarity, and the Lord renewed the good work he has begun in me: teaching me forgiveness. I so often ask for his forgiveness and believe he gives it freely and fully. And he asks me to do the same.

This morning also brought her response: a phone call, and on the other end was my friend with a sincere apology. I did not hesitate to forgive.

It took a lot of maturity on her end to face the music and be honest.

We sat and talked this afternoon. Will things go back to normal immediately? No. Hurt is hurt. I may be able to genuinely forgive, but the emotions don't automatically subside. I'm sad, disappointed...hurt.

And I'll be okay.

I'm so thankful for growth. I'm so thankful for maturity. I'm so thankful that I can see that in the grand scheme of things, this is minuscule. And with time, things will go back to normal. And we will laugh and trust again. I'm thankful for my friend.

Tired much?

What a week! I have been to Maypearl to Kerrville and back since Monday. I have to say I am beyond exhausted. I still haven't had a solid night's sleep, but I have high hopes for this evening. :)

This week was church camp. Camp, for me growing up, was the most wonderful time of year. I remember climbing on the bus to go home each summer and dreading the fact that I had to wait a full year to come back. I love camp. Still do.

Something powerful happens at camp. There are no distractions from home, no tv, no jobs, no homework. Camp exhausts you to the point where you're vulnerable and willing to be vulnerable with other people...and especially God. Camp is a week to be a kid, get dirty, play, and have no cares. It truly feels magical. Did I mention I love camp?

I didn't think I was going to get to go this year because of work and school, but something in me was determined to go. So against better financial and academic judgement, I went. And I'm so thankful I did.

That "missing piece" that I've felt for a while...it feels whole. I couldn't put my finger on it prior to this week, but now it makes sense. It's the ashes, the things that weigh us down. I've tried to carry it for too long, and those burning embers under the ash couldn't breathe. It's time to let them be exposed.

I also built and strengthened relationships within our youth group. We have amazing leaders and students, and I'm so honored to know them.

This weekend, Scotty and I went to Kerrville for my cousin Jill's wedding. We had a blast!!! Seriously, one of the best receptions ever! :)

I'm tired. Scotty's driving right now, and I'm wearily staying awake. 3 1/2 more hours til home. I miss my bed.

Much love.

Another Day, Another Change

I've been waiting to tell you the news until I got the thumbs up from higher up (not God, just management), but I accepted the position of Assistant Manager at Chick-fil-A! I start on the 26th! I have to admit I'm nervous, and it means a lot of changes to my current life, but I'm excited, nonetheless.

I will not be returning to school in the fall. It was a hard decision process because we all know I moved home to go to school. But between thinking, praying, and discussions with the parents, I feel confident I'm making the right decision. I will be a licensed EMT-Intermediate at the end of this summer semester, so this hasn't all been for nothing. But I'm taking a pause. A breath, if you will. A moment to persue something different...because we all know how much I enjoy change and new jobs. :)

I'll be working nights, which has its pros and cons, so come see me!

Much love. And eat more chicken ;)

One Second

Have you seen the new AT&T commercial where the man invisions his son being the next president, and then changes his train ticket to sit by the girl? The closing slogan says, "Any second could be the second."

I love that. If you know me well, you know that I love love, and you can probably envision me tearing up at that commercial. (Yeah, that happened. Okay, okay....more than once.)

But what it says, "Any second could be the second," spoke to me in more ways than just love. Doesn't it keep you on your toes to think that the next second of your life could potentially change your life? That unexpected conversation, that little prayer, that wrong turn....everything can change.

I'm not afraid of change. I'm not afraid to take a risk just to see how it pans out. It keeps things interesting.

When I was in high school, a pastor in my life told me I would always be in God's will unless I intentionally stepped out of it. That took away all the fear of accidentally missing it. I desire to know God, I desire to make him known, and to live the life he desires for me. I don't want to ever step out of it, but I do like that it takes interesting turns. :)

Changes coming. I know you're not surprised. Details to follow in the near future. :)

Much love.

Patches? We don't need no stinkin' patches

As you finish each level of EMS and pass the appropriate tests, you earn a new patch for your uniform. I currently hold my EMT-Basic in both national registry and state licensing. When I walk into clinical sites, I have visible proof that I am capable of certain skills and responsible for a stash of basic-level knowledge. Just a glance at my patch says, "She can administer instant glucose and is learning IV's now." Easy, right?

Don't you wish your other life achievements, accomplishments, or figure-it-out-the-hard-way moments were more obvious to others?

Instead of people asking me in shock, "You're 26? Why aren't you married?" They would see my certified "2 broken hearts" patch and "multiple failed dating attempts" certificate.

Instead of assuming I'm in paramedic school because I've wasted the last 8 years since high school, they would see my "bachelor's degree" emblem, and...well, I guess I could go ahead and wear my flight attendant wings. I might need a patch that says something about "She changes her mind a lot" and "Just wants to love what she does."

I would also have patches for my useless knowledge of celebrity life and "Friends"...just in case someone wanted to play a trivia game or make a bet, or something.

Anyone up for this idea? I'm also pretty great at hand-stitching, so I could get started on your patches, if you need.

Let me know. :)

(By the way, the title is stolen from the movie Troop Beverly Hills, and is best said with a Hispanic accent.)

One

In my new line of work, I'm constantly reminded how blessed and fortunate I am.

I thank God for the roof over my head, as the man tells me he's lived in a tent for 15 years.

I thank God for parents who continue to love and support me, as a child dies from child abuse.

I thank God for health, as the patient with asthma struggles to breathe.

I thank God for the wisdom to not smoke, as the woman in her 30's lists "emphysema" as part of her health history.

And I thank God for the heart he's given me, the desire he's placed in me, and the strength to continue as I encounter these seemingly hopeless situations.

I will never be able to save every child. It's impossible to cure each disease.

But I can try.

And if I'm able to save one, I've made a difference.

But for a season

I find it really easy to get caught up in my own world. I see the tests, clinical hours, work schedules, and sparse free time, and it's almost suffocating. Yesterday, it seemed to all catch up with me. I was having a rough day at work, and it took everything in me not to sit in a corner and cry. I was feeling pretty down and sorry for myself.

But then I went to church, and the first song during worship said, "I adore you, I love everything you are." Do you know how hard it is to honestly sing those lyrics while focusing on your own problems? Then, one of my small group kids reminded me about the book we've been reading, Crazy Love, and the lesson we had about worrying. Worrying, or seeing your own problems as a big deal, is a form of arrogance. Compared to the happenings and injustices not only in this world, but also the ones throughout time, my problems are but a moment. I probably won't even remember these frustrations in a year. Life goes on. And God, and our relationship with Him, is so much bigger and better than any issue we think we are facing.

I went to bed thinking about the blessings I have, instead of the frustrations. And I awoke knowing that this is just a season.

I hope you know that today's problems are just a season. He will see you through.

Much love.