Thoughts on a Rainy Day

I hate rain. To be completely honest, I hate water. I don’t like swimming, washing dishes, or getting flicked with water. I really don’t even like drinking the stuff. But I reluctantly do, usually as tea, though.

Nevertheless, today, outside, the rain is falling. After a very dry summer and hundreds of scary wildfires, I can’t begrudge the ground its water.

It makes me introspective though. It’s also Valentine’s week, which further makes me introspective. I’m like an unproductive, thinking, rain-hating sap this morning.

I think for a long time I've thought love was elusive to me. I’m too tall. Too short. Too girly. Too unfunny. Too demonstrative. Too. Too. Too.

But over the last 3 years, the Lord has been showing me, gently, that His ways are bigger than my ways.

I have had dynamic adventures.

I have stood on the beaches of the Atlantic and Pacific, both north and south of the equator. I have wandered the streets of NYC, Chicago, Boston, Philly, San Francisco, LA, Portland, Dallas, Atlanta, Tampa, and dozens more in between. I’ve traveled to multiple countries by plane. I’ve crossed the US by train. I’ve driven to California, Oregon, Canada, Illinois, Indiana, Florida, Mexico…I could go on. I have worked with some of the sweetest children on this planet, putting bandaids on cuts and ice packs on bruises. I have learned the skills required to save a life and am always ready to jump in and do so. I have learned that though I have the mental capacity and skills necessary to manage people, it brings me no pleasure. It makes me borderline crazy. And I’m beyond thankful that someone believed in me enough to give me that opportunity.

I believe I would not have found my way to my current job without all the aforementioned experiences. And I love being a landman.

The search for love has become less of a search. No more blind dates set up by friends, or awkward emails on eHarmony, or any of the other embarrassing things I’ve subjected myself to. At some point, it occurred to me that I could be unhappy, waiting forever. Or I could buck up, quit waiting and hoping, and get on with things.

If you’re reading this north of the Mason Dixon line, you’re thinking, “Crap, Christen, you’re 28. Not dead.” However, if you’re south, you get it. There are thousands of things I could blame it on… But bottom line, God has a different plan.

I had an epiphany this last week that my best days are still ahead of me. Whether I will fall in love and have children and get the whole “white picket fence” dream, or I’ll discover a new dream, like medical school, or living in China, or doing exactly what I’m doing today- researching families for my job, only God knows. I don’t plan anything more than 6 months in advance because I honestly don’t know where I’ll be in that amount of time, and I’ve never wanted to limit God. He can do whatever he wants with me. Either way, changing my attitude from “poor me” to “lucky me” isn’t exactly easy, but I think it’s very necessary. Who am I to question God’s timing? In retrospect, I’ve always seen the perfection in God’s timing and not mine. I believe one day this will all make sense, too.

So, why do I tell you this today? To get it out of my head, I guess. To let you know that I won’t be lying on the floor depressed tomorrow. Or sending myself flowers. Or drowning my sorrows in chocolates. Or even spending more than maybe 5 minutes on the way to work feeling sorry for myself. (Though I will allow myself those 5 minutes.)

I’m very happy where life and the Lord have taken me. I look forward to what’s still around the corner.

Much love.

Day 27: Affections

Day 27: A Picture of Yourself with a Family Member

These people stir my affections:



I am not lost on the fact that I was born into a very special, and rare, family. Growing up, I did not grasp the concept of divorce, or fighting, or bitterness. I knew love, patience, and kindness. The few moments I have heard my parents heatedly disagree, I have never been scared. Because we are a family. A unit.

From the get-go, we have been tight-knit. We did everything together, and a lot of times, we still do. They are my biggest fans, and I theirs.

Growing up and growing in numbers has only brought us closer. How we survived 19 years without my sister-in-law, I'll never know. She belongs; she's one of us. And the two, precious little boys in the picture above make my heart full. I knew love on one level until they were born. Sometimes I secretly wonder how I will ever love my own children more. I mean, I know I will, but today, it doesn't seem possible.

The dynamic of my family unit only makes me more cautious when choosing a future husband. He stands to gain an amazing family, and I want to make sure he can handle it. ;) We are quite vocal about Scott's girlfriends because she's going to have to hang out with Sheila and me for the next 60 years. haha It's kinda funny, and yet, Sheila and I have discussed this, on more than one occasion. I'm quite serious.

The older I get, the more thankful I am for the family God has given me. I realize how lucky and blessed I am.

Family- I love you. :)

Christen

Day 26: Ceramics

Day 26- A picture of something that means a lot to you

When I was living in McKinney, I had a lot of time on my hands. I worked during the day, but beyond that, I had no responsibilities or obligations. I was bored and needed something to do. I decided to take a couple of continuing education classes at the local community college, and I fell in love. First, I took Novel Writing. It was cool, and my writing evolved. No, I have not written a novel- okay, maybe a few chapters. Then I took a ceramics class. Coolest. Class. Ever. I went one night a week for about 8 weeks. I have so many cool things and memories. I miss it.



These pieces mean a lot to me. I love that I made these with my hands. The torquoise piece is my favorite. :)

Days 24 & 25- A Picture of My Day

Day 24- A picture of something that you wish you could change

I'm skipping Day 24. I don't know, I guess I'm happy with my path. I feel like anything I'd want to change will just sound like I'm unhappy with the way it is. So, yeah...on to day 25!

Day 25- A picture of your day

My days have changed quite a bit since I began this blogging journey. I went from being the night time assistant manager to the day time store manager. I've had to adjust to going to bed a whole lot earlier and getting up way too early for my liking. However, I get to come home during the daytime, which I like. And I get to come home to this:



My apartment is pretty beautiful right now. :) Yeah, I know you're jealous. ;)

Day 23: My favorite Book

Day 23- A picture of your favorite book



I read this book for the first time in high school. It's about an inch and a half thick, and I read it in 2 days.

It's exciting, sad, heart wrenching, joyous. It's set in the gold-mining era, and yet, it applies to today. It's based on the book of Hosea in the Bible and completely brings it to life.

I have reread it probably 5 times and loaned it out a thousand times. The picture above is actually my 3rd copy. The first one was loaned out to a fellow flight attendant and never returned. She bought me a new one. The second one was loaned out to a Chick-fil-A coworker and doused in soda. He also bought me a new one. I apparently loan them to great people. :)

I have never met someone who didn't love this book (or cry reading it).

Maybe I'll reread it this week. :)

Day 22: I wish I was better at...

Day 22: Something I Wish I was Better at

When I was a freshman in college, I took a class called Intro to Fine Arts and Media. It was literally worthless, but it was part of my major. My teacher didn't teach...he told stories or followed bunny trails. We didn't really take tests, and other than one big project, I don't think we had any other assignments. Other than one. We were required to go out and attend a fine art presentation of some sort. We could go to the symphony, ballet, an art museum, or a dozen other things. There were specifications, such as bringing back your admission ticket, or a program.

Being that Karissa (my college roommate) and I were both huge procrastinators, we waited until the very last day before our paper was due, and we went to the Kimball Art Museum in Fort Worth. I know I had been to museums before, but that day, it was like something was awakened inside of me.

The art was beautiful. It was inspiring. I fell in love.

That summer I got the opportunity to go with my parents to Washington DC. If you have ever been there or seen the Smithsonian, you know there is a vast art museum. I was in heaven.

Since 2003, I have been to virtually every major art museum in the country. I've been to the ones in NYC more than once. I want to go to Europe so bad.

When I saw Van Gogh's "Starry Night" at the Museum of Modern Art in New York City, I started crying. I was standing in front of one of the most important pieces of art in history. It moves me.



Two of my other two favorite artists are Claude Monet and Wassily Kandinsky:





I have a print of a Kandinsky in my bedroom. I love it. It would be a true dream to own a real one one day.

I mostly love modern and contemporary art. I tend to lean toward impressionism and abstract art. The weirder, the more I'm likely going to like it. I love Picasso's random, seemingly jumbled paintings, as well as the clean lines from Piet Mondrian's paintings.

I love it all.

And I really wish I was better at it. I try my hand at it, and if I really love you, I'll even show you some. But I'm not good. I've had no training. I want training. Maybe I'll take a class, get a degree, you never know with me. ;)

Day 21: I Try to Forget

Day 21- A Picture of Something You Wish You Could Forget



The night I went to the Granada Theater was for a Valentine's Day date 2 years ago. Just know that it was the worst date/day of my life.

Most days I forget about it. On the days I think about it, I passionately thank the Lord that it went so badly. It took that date to wake me up to the fact that I was in a bad relationship. I was justifying it on a daily basis, and it scares me to even think about how long I would have allowed it to continue.

Instead, I was so angry, that there was no turning back. We broke up that night.

I try to forget. And most days I do.