Until then

Sometimes the highest highs are followed by the lowest of lows. I feel like life demands this balance. If we never experienced highs, there would be no hope. If we didn't experience lows, there'd be no caution.

I think my life is a good balance, for the most part. However, what if you don't especially like the high points you're given? What if you would prefer a different set of joys?

I live a life many would love. I go as I please. I have many close friends and a family I adore. I enjoy my job and exist comfortably on my salary. But in the things I crave more than anything else, I'm left wanting.

I feel like I'm biding my time, paying my dues before I'm awarded the thing I truly desire. And there's nothing to do but patiently wait. My efforts do not hurry the day's hours...only make them drag on.

So, I go back to my routine and hope and pray and look to the day when today's joys are joined with my desired joys.

Repeat Offender

I have been "losing weight" since I was 16. Any woman (or man for that matter) who has struggled with their weight understands the perpetual up and down battle. If you and I met within the last 9 years, I might have been a size 6, or maybe a...oh we won't go there. Let's just say, I fluctuate more than 5 pounds.

Losing weight is a thorn in my side. It's not like I can do it once and forever be done with it... It's a constant struggle. If I'm not disciplined every day, it eventually creeps back up. And food isn't like alcohol or drugs or some other thing that brings you down and you can totally avoid. Food is part of our every day life. I have to learn to eat in balance and in every situation. It's a battle I wage every hour I'm awake. On top of that, I'm an emotional eater. It's a proven fact. I lose weight when I'm single and gain after a break up. I stay steady when I'm in relationships. It's almost funny. Almost.

Wednesday of this week, I joined Weight Watchers. Again. Yes, I've done this 3 times before. You would probably be shocked at all the "diet" plans I've followed. It's embarrassing. But I've always been successful with WW. Plus, two of my family members also joined, so we're in this together. :)

I have come to realize over the last 2 years that my mental maturity really didn't "mature" until I was about 22 or 23. So much of me has changed including my motivations and disciplines. Losing weight at 18 was to look hot. Losing weight at 25 is about prolonging my life, decreasing my risks for cancer and heart disease, and increasing my energy. Sure, it's still about looking good, but it's not my sole drive.

So, why do I tell you all this? Because it's true. Because it consumes my life. Because out of everything in my life ever, it's the biggest challenge and struggle I face. And being that you're in my life, or at least peering in during my blog sessions, I might as well be real with you.