Sunday, October 26, 2008

Until then

Sometimes the highest highs are followed by the lowest of lows. I feel like life demands this balance. If we never experienced highs, there would be no hope. If we didn't experience lows, there'd be no caution.

I think my life is a good balance, for the most part. However, what if you don't especially like the high points you're given? What if you would prefer a different set of joys?

I live a life many would love. I go as I please. I have many close friends and a family I adore. I enjoy my job and exist comfortably on my salary. But in the things I crave more than anything else, I'm left wanting.

I feel like I'm biding my time, paying my dues before I'm awarded the thing I truly desire. And there's nothing to do but patiently wait. My efforts do not hurry the day's hours...only make them drag on.

So, I go back to my routine and hope and pray and look to the day when today's joys are joined with my desired joys.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Repeat Offender

I have been "losing weight" since I was 16. Any woman (or man for that matter) who has struggled with their weight understands the perpetual up and down battle. If you and I met within the last 9 years, I might have been a size 6, or maybe a...oh we won't go there. Let's just say, I fluctuate more than 5 pounds.

Losing weight is a thorn in my side. It's not like I can do it once and forever be done with it... It's a constant struggle. If I'm not disciplined every day, it eventually creeps back up. And food isn't like alcohol or drugs or some other thing that brings you down and you can totally avoid. Food is part of our every day life. I have to learn to eat in balance and in every situation. It's a battle I wage every hour I'm awake. On top of that, I'm an emotional eater. It's a proven fact. I lose weight when I'm single and gain after a break up. I stay steady when I'm in relationships. It's almost funny. Almost.

Wednesday of this week, I joined Weight Watchers. Again. Yes, I've done this 3 times before. You would probably be shocked at all the "diet" plans I've followed. It's embarrassing. But I've always been successful with WW. Plus, two of my family members also joined, so we're in this together. :)

I have come to realize over the last 2 years that my mental maturity really didn't "mature" until I was about 22 or 23. So much of me has changed including my motivations and disciplines. Losing weight at 18 was to look hot. Losing weight at 25 is about prolonging my life, decreasing my risks for cancer and heart disease, and increasing my energy. Sure, it's still about looking good, but it's not my sole drive.

So, why do I tell you all this? Because it's true. Because it consumes my life. Because out of everything in my life ever, it's the biggest challenge and struggle I face. And being that you're in my life, or at least peering in during my blog sessions, I might as well be real with you.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Thoughts from a Republicrat :)

Just so you know, yes, you are reading a political blog by Christen Carter. You have not stumbled into some parallel universe. I promise.

For some reason, this election...I care. I don't know if it's because I'm getting older and tax raises or cuts directly affect me, or that the idea of equal healthcare for every person is extremely appealing, or that I'm tired of being at war, yet I don't think leaving altogether will solve anything.

I spent the last two Thursday evenings listening to two very different acceptance speeches by the men gearing up to lead our country. I love our country. I love that we have the freedom of speech (hello! blogging!), the freedom to bear arms (which I do), the freedom to practice our religions, and to live a life with millions of possibilities. I love that this nation encourages creativity and resourcefulness. I love that we're getting back to some environmental values. And I love that I have a choice of who I can elect to lead this great country. I haven't quite yet decided who I am voting for this year because I feel like we have two very worthy options.
Barack Obama's speech was eloquent. He made so many wonderful points, and I found myself teary eyed agreeing with so much of what he said. I really do like the idea of health care for every American. Keyword: idea. I can't stand the thought of my taxes going up or providing health care for people who won't help themselves. It's a great idea that I'm not sure is ready to be implemented.

I also liked the way he concluded his speech. Of course I'm against abortion. I believe every person was a true life at conception. But do I think we should outlaw abortion? Unfortunately, no. When it's outlawed, women take scary measures to have them done. Plus, part of the American dream is the right of choice, no matter if I agree with that choice or not. I think it would be very wise to educate young people about safe sex, to provide them with the tools to make a choice for themselves, one way or the other. The average 16 year old is going to learn about sex. It's either going to be from a friend, who probably doesn't have his facts straight, or an educated adult who can warn them about STDs and the true facts on pregnancy, and the wonderful option of abstinence. I hope you hear my heart because I absolutely believe abstinence is the best option. Hello? Do you know me?

Also, I won't go into this in detail, but yes, I do believe that homosexual couples should be able to get insurance together and be legally linked so that medical decisions can be made. Do I think homosexual marriage lines up with my beliefs? No. But like I've said, I think America's all about the freedom of choice, no matter the choice.

Overall, great speech by Obama. He is a very likable man. I think he would do a terrific job uniting our country, both parties included. My major hesitations: his energy policy (I think we need to safely drill right now, right here in our country) and his lack of experience. I'm not jumping on that bandwagon; I just think it will be hard for him to be the commander of our troops when he has no military experience, and though I think his years as a senator are great, they are few.

John McCain's speech was oh, so different. McCain is definitely not cut out to be a speech maker. He fumbled over his words a few times, and it probably didn't help that protesters were crying out during the beginning. He refrained from attacking Obama much, which was drastically different from Obama. And he drew on his love of country to appeal to the masses of America-lovers (myself included). He demonstrated that he is experienced, loyal, and a hardworker. He discussed his years in the military and then shared his thoughts on the war in Iraq. I believe with all my heart that he wants to see this war end as much as I do. He watched the torment that he and his family were put through during Vietnam and Pearl Harbor, and he doesn't want to see other families go through that. But I also believe that he will be strategic in his actions. He understands that a resolution to this war won't be overnight, and it will take thought. I trust him. And that's huge.

I love, love, love his energy policy. I think I clapped during that part last night. My entire family is involved in the oil industry. My grandfather, two uncles, my mom, and my brother all work as landmen. They know the ins and outs of drilling and what it means for our economy. It is absolutely possible to safely drill in Alaska and off shore. I'm tired of sending our workers and money overseas for oil when it's available here. I'm very passionate about this.
I like that McCain acknowledged that he and Obama both have great ideas and maybe it would be a good idea to implement some of both. I like that McCain wants to see health care for every American but through different routes. I am okay with this. I just want to see it happen.
Major hesitations: also his age. He's pretty old. He comes from the old republican age. He could very well be a Bush 2.0, which is a terrible thought. He has years and years of experience, but will be be stuck in his ways? How much change will we truly see?

I think one of McCain's best assets at this point is his V.P. Sarah Palin is amazing. She is the more eloquent of the two. She has class and yet isn't afraid to throw punches. I like her. I also think she will draw Hillary's female population.

Bottomline: I'm totally torn. I think both men are great. I think either way, our country will be just fine. I also wonder if my vote is going to count much anyway...

Texas is a red state. It just is. Whether I vote or not, it's going to McCain. Basically, my vote is either going to be a vote of confidence for McCain or a vote of protest for Obama. But I guess we'll see.

Thanks for listening. :) I hope you too are informed.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Doing well :-)

I've felt the need to run away all week.  Work has been beyond stressful.  I could honestly stay for 24 straight hours and not be caught up.  I do the job of 4 people at our other offices.  But I still love it.  I am so blessed to work for the most patient, caring boss of all times.  I love that his wife is one of my best friends.

This has been the best weekend of my life, or at least in the top 5. :-)

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Education for the Post-Graduate

I have, and probably always will, love school!! There's something about discovering a subject or detail that makes you say, "Wow!" I will always remember a 3rd grade G/T assignment over Egyptian culture. Ever since, I've been obsessed with mummies. I actually cried in a museum the first time I saw a real one. Such joy fills my heart...and all thanks to a teacher who was just doing her job.

Going to college was an adventure. Sure, I had those classes that were uninteresting and worthless, but I also experienced incredible growth and expansion of my strengths, interests, and loves.

Being out of college has been hard. I went to flight attendant training last summer and had the opportunity to learn a crazy fun skill, but the last 11 months have been a little empty. I have always wanted to be a life-long learner, but I still am not sure in what I want to get my master's degree. I don't want to waste time (or money) taking classes in a subject area I'm not convinced I'll love. So, I continue to wait...

Thankfully, the avenue I've so been looking for literally dropped itself into my mailbox this week. A community college in my town offers dozens of continuing education classes for a wonderful price. I can pick and choose classes that simply interest me and not worry about grades, failure, homework, or an outrageous class. Want to know what I just signed up for? "Basics of Writing a Novel" and "Ceramics I" :) I love writing (obviously), and I love art.

I'm so excited!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Sometimes I wish my thoughts could be a streaming blog. Around 1 p.m., right after lunch, I have my most brilliant thoughts, and so rarely have pen or paper in the vicinity. I often script in my mind exactly what I'll say but usually can't even remember the basic thought once I'm in front of a computer. You'd think I'd learn.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Telling

I'm a pretty systematic, predictable person. I tend to respond to a situation the same way I have before. When confronted with a dilemna, my course of action rarely changes.

Similarly, my blogs are often telling of my true feelings, albeit indirectly. When I'm upset or sad, the blog will be dark, even without addressing the source of my thoughts. When I'm happy, you'll probably get smiley faces and pictures. When I'm making a major change or embarking in a new relationship, I'm cryptic. However, when my thoughts are overwhelming, I don't blog at all.

I'm one of those people who, if you want to know something, ask me. I'm going to tell you. Though, in blog form, I can't seem to open up. Maybe it's the public audience. Maybe it's the fear of criticism. Who knows...

Tonight, I'm in a weird mood and I want to be open and telling, but I just can't bring myself to be. I'm quite irritated. I feel like a pawn in a bigger game.

Christen