The Pendulum of My Life

My life resembles a pendulum.

Two days ago, I was driving down the crazy streets of Newark, rain on my windows, and single tears falling down my face while a faithful friend made a valiant effort to cheer me up. Thanks again :) I was lonely and bored and frustrated. I wanted to go into the City so badly, but the rain (and ridiculous lack of parking at the bus station) prevented by plans. I ended up wandering aimlessly around Ikea for two hours, admiring $6.99 curtains, and eating a burger at Ruby Tuesday's...alone. It was a low point.

Then yesterday, I had one of the best days this month...maybe this summer! I rose early and took the bus to the train station (no need to park), caught the train to the World Trade Center, and hopped on the subway to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. It was an hour and a half commute yet fully and completely worth it.

I made my way into one of the most extensive Egyptian exhibits I have ever seen (and I've seen a lot). I gazed wide-eyed at mummy after mummy, ran my hand across an actual sarcophagus (with permission, of course), and stood...STOOD...inside the Temple of Dendur. It's dated to around 15 B.C., and the carvings are still very much visible. The MET moved it to the states in the 1960's. It was one of those "wow" moments in life. If I never make it to Egypt, I will be partially okay. :) I hit up the American, European, African, Medieval, and Modern art exhibits too before finding the caf for a bite to eat.

Art stirs great things within me. I see so much of God's beauty and creation in a painting, a sculpture, a piece of woven fabric. He enables normal people to create timeless pieces of beauty from nothing. A simple tube of paint when paired with the master's hand produces such perfection. Even the modern pieces that seem to contain such disorder are, in reality, quite beautiful. Isn't that just like God? What we see as simple or irregular is a masterpiece in another's eye. Wow.

Anyway, after almost 4 hours in the museum, I made my way back to Jersey. More plans. :) I drove to South Jersey to meet up with Ed Pietrowski and Jerry McCarty. I went to Master's with these guys, and it was so amazing to see them. They understand an element within me that only another Master's alum can. They introduced me to an authentic Philly Cheesesteak (yum!). Then we threw knives at a tree...don't ask. haha Later, we hit up the county fair, complete with a petting zoo and full carnival. The tilt-o-whirl was fantastic. :) The evening concluded with a few hilarious rounds of Wii mini-games! Man, I wish I could hang out with them more. It was fun guys. :)

But it's back to reality tomorrow. I have a trip to Austin with another long layover. (If you live in or around Austin, you should hang out with me.) Then I head to Las Vegas on Sunday, ending with a red eye back to Newark. It should be interesting. Ha.

Good night :)

Evacs!!!

Evacs were yesterday!

I wish I could paint a perfect picture for you of what I went through.

We got to school at 7:30, as usual, and ate a hearty breakfast of cheerios....again. We walked as a class to the cabin trainer, and you could see the panic in everyone's eyes.

Do I know my commands? Will I remember the red inflation handle? How do I preflight a POB? What if the smoke is too thick?

My stomach churned as I waited. Group 5. I climbed the stairs to act as a passenger in each mock flight. Group one began their boarding announcements. I tried to stay a step ahead in my mind to make sure I knew my stuff: announcements, close bins, announcement, door close, announcement, arm doors, cross check, head count, dim lights, safety demo, compliance varification, lock lavs, dim lights more, jumpseat, brace position, crash, EVAC! Follow captain's commands, shout, "Release seatbelts, get out, leave everything! Stand back," assess conditions, open door, pull inflation handle, yell, "You, help at the bottom, send people away from the plane," yell, "Come this way, jump and slide, get away from the plane," open the other door, yell commands again, search cabin for remaining passengers, exit aircraft, round up passengers, no smoking, check injuries, head count. Done.

Wow, I couldn't believe I knew what was supposed to happen. I could tell when people were making mistakes. I knew when people were nailing it.

Then, it was time to pull positions from a bag.

"A"

Crap! The hardest position. My heart raced. I knew I knew it, but one slip up meant failure, and failure meant retakes. And a failed retake meant home.

I paced and prayed. I did this in college...like a pleading with God. "Lord, you know I studied this, you know I practiced, please bring it back to my memory." The Lord is good. ;)

My crew boarded. I aced my preflight equipment checks, gave a superb crew briefing, and made my announcements in a clear, strong voice. During the safety demo, smoke began to fill the cabin. It was amazing- my body just flew into action. I pressed the captain call button, described the location, color, and density of the smoke, and stood by. The captain gave the signal for an evacuation, and it was like second-nature. I whipped open those doors (that are super heavy, by the way), shouted my commands, looked for passengers, and saved them all!!

My adrenaline was pumping! I knew I had nailed it. Holy cow!

During debriefing, Nectar told me I forgot a couple of things, but nothing vital. I PASSED!!!! I started crying!

And in that moment, I knew I could be a flight attendant.

Life just got reaaaally interesting...

Yesterday morning at about 9 a.m. I climbed onto an emotional rollercoaster.

During the initial ascent, my phone rang with a 281 area code. Continental is in Houston!! I pretended to have already been awake and answered the phone. "Ma'am, I am pleased to inform you that you have been selected to be a part of the final training class of the summer." I grabbed a pen and hurriedly scribbled down the information until he said, "you'll report June 2." I froze. My heart began beating wildly. I asked ever so politely about our September arrangements due to my being in 2 weddings this summer. He said they were no longer offering me that session and that June 2 was my only option. I explained my situation and asked if I could reapply for September. He said applicants had to wait 12 months to reapply. Yeah, that was the rollercoaster car plummeting into my stomach. I suddenly felt sick. My eyes welled up with tears as I told him there was just no way. He asked me to reconsider and gave me his telephone number. I told him if anything changed I would let him know by Friday.

Rollercoaster metaphor aside, I called my mom completely in pieces. Being the good mother she is, she reassured me that Alesha would understand and that I should just call her. It wasn't that I just felt bad about backing out of her wedding with such short notice, I want more than anything to BE in the wedding. Lesh and Kory have been my two best friends growing up, and I still can't imagine not sharing that day with them. So, I called her mom first. Her mother, too, told me this was a once in a lifetime opportunity and just to call Alesha. So, I made the call, and as I totally expected, she was cool and understanding and completely supportive. She told me I HAD to take the job. Through sobs and tears, I told her, "This is why you're my best friend." I'm such a dork. ;) Lesh, for real, I love you so much.

So, with bittersweet delight, I decided to take the job after all. I'm going to be a flight attendant!! OH MY GOODNESS!! It hasn't really sunk in yet that I'll be working...on a plane...all over the world! I start training June 2 for 4 1/2 weeks (Monday-Saturday, 8 am-5 pm) and then have 4 days to get moved. I'll find out about 2 weeks into training where I'm headed. I will either be based in Houston, Newark, NJ, or Cleveland, OH. Please pray I get Houston so I can be by my family and have a roommate. :)

On top of accepting a life changing job and having to tell my bff that I couldn't be in her wedding, I had to say goodbye to some very dear friends at SAGU. Most I'll see before I leave for training, but some...I honestly don't know when our paths will cross again. Let's just say, I cried a whole, whole lot yesterday.

Thank you for all your love and support and congratulations today. :) I am so lucky to have such wonderful friends in my life. I love each and every one of you! :)

I feel like my blood pressure is soaring.  I graduate from college in 9 days.

I'm currently hiding from my homework.  I literally came up to my office to get away from my textbooks and study guides.  haha!  My motivation is GONE!  If I make a 70 on the test I have tomorrow, I'll be 100% satisfied.  SAD!

I really hate that song "Promiscuous Girl" but I heard part of the lyrics today.  Nelly says that chivalry is dead.  Yeah right.  It's alive and kickin.  Do you know how important that is for me?!  Just Saturday I was talking to my friends about it.  I'd like to give a nice shout out to Devin and Erik who never let me open a door.  Y'all are great!! :)  I have the best guy friends, and for those guys out there who think they don't have to treat a lady well, get over yourself- we love it.  For me, it's one of the most attractive qualities. :)

I got an interview in Houston on May 9 with Continental Airlines.  I'm trying not to get my hopes up because I think a ton of people are interviewing, but they're flying me down there and everything!  Holy crap- me as a flight attendant- way cool!!!  Right now, it's the only job I would take that's not in Colorado.  If I don't get it, I'm holding out for the Springs. :)

In the midst of all my joys, I'm pretty bummed.  I'm moving away from some of my favorite people ever.  Though I love change, I'm not sure I'll ever have this dynamic again.  Plus, I've been doing some soul searching/reflection lately, and I'm just sad about other things too.  I found a letter today that I wrote in January/February-ish that I never sent.  So weird.  Life changes so fast.

I'm not sure if I'm ready for this much change right now.

Christen

I'm stressed.

When all I really want to do is play and enjoy my friends, I'm stuck doing tons and tons of homework.  I have 25 days until graduation, and I'm trying to make the best of it.  But I seriously think it may be my most stressful 25 days yet.  I made a list today of all the projects and papers I have left (this does not include daily quizzes and tests), and it came to 7.  One of these is a project which is an incredibly lengthy account of my life for developmental psychology, and one is a 12+ page paper for human sexuality.  I also have an 8 page book report for abnormal psychology (which I haven't read) and a journal project for human sexuality.  The other 3 are fairly small, but I still have to do them!  ahh!!

Tired of me whining yet??  haha  Oh well, the end is in sight.  25 days.  Holy freakin crap.

Christen

Have you ever wanted to competely and totally vent about something, but because it's so extremely personal and self-revealing, you don't?  That's where I'm at.  So...I vent to a friend who, bless his little heart, loves me in spite of myself.

I feel like my life is moving about 4 days faster than me. All I'm doing right now is playing catch up.  Maybe it's all the extra time I was in NYC.  Oh well, it was a blast.

I'm continually astonished at how much I'm changing.  While we were gone, I realized how much my mother relies on my dad.  It's definitely not a bad thing and works very well for her, but it's not my personality.  Now, you know as much as I do that I want to be married one of these days, but I like the thought of my self-reliance joined with another self-reliant person.  I really enjoyed riding the subway alone without an ounce of fear.  I'm very confident living by myself and am only scared about 1 day out of the month now.  The idea of having a job and paying my own bills and living my own life is extremely appealing right now.  Weird.  I guess the forced independence is growing on me. :)

I bought The Holiday last night.  If you haven't seen it, see it.  I wrote a blog back in January about it.  Read it. :)

Much love,
Christen

My Father reflects my father

I've heard a lot about a father's love lately.  Josh McDowell was telling us a couple of weeks back that a father who is distant and unloving can singlehandedly drive his children to alcoholism, drug abuse, and even homosexuality.  He said an absent father is better than a present, uninvolved father.  In my Human Sexuality class, the homosexuality debate circled back to the father quite often.

It's made me very thankful.  I have a father who has fulfilled every stereotypical, loving, doting father-figure you can image.  I've never wondered a day in my life whether I was loved; he's reminded me everyday. :)

I think this is why I "get" God so much.  Of course I see him as a generous, peaceful, ever-protecting father, that's all I've ever known in this physical realm.  Why do I believe God has his very best for me?  Because my father, Randy Carter, has only given me his very best.  He never gave me dirt when I asked for food.  He took me to Olive Garden and insisted I ordered dessert.

I am very blessed, and I just wanted you to know that I have the greatest father on earth.

Love is in the air...well, not in my air ;)

I may import some of my myspace blogs.  I feel like you've missed out on a portion of my life. :(  We'll see how bored I get.  haha

I tend to write a lot about love and relationships.  I think it's because that's my nature.  I am relational.  I often measure my own personal value on the strength and depth of my relationships.  The relationship I have with my parents is awesome.  We talk about everything, practically nothing is off-limits.  I talk to my mom almost everyday...because I want to.  I find a great wealth of knowledge in them.

In the last year, I've come into an awareness.  For the first time, I see how immature and impulsive young people are.  My 6th grade Little and her friends are crazy.  My little brother, though awesome, doesn't think through things.  And I have some friends who are getting married at 18, 19, 20, and I want to say, "Really? Now?"  Sure, I almost got married at 19, but thinking back on it, I was an idiot.  We didn't know each other.  I was young and  impulsive (and he was just dumb).  And I probably would have never finished school.  School while you're single is hard enough.  All of that to say, I have a greater appreciation for my parents' wisdom.  They really do know better than me. (Disclaimer: I don't think you're an idiot if you're getting married young; just make sure you REALLY know the person and you've spent lots and lots of time together and have talked through every aspect of your lives.)

My Human Sexuality class is by far my favorite this semester.  Beside the fact that it's rather humorous to be talking about sex on Southwestern's campus, it's crazy informative.  We started the semester talking about authentic sexuality and how it's God-given and such.  We've talked about homosexuality, and right now we're talking about singleness and sexuality.  Yesterday, Dr. Logue was giving us statistics about premarital sex and even about interracial marriages.  It's really interesting.  One thing I found facinating about premartial sex being on the rise is that in many ways, it's biologically based.  Yes, there's definitely a link to the sexual oversaturation in the media, but check it out.  Puberty is setting in younger and younger.  Back in the day, girls hit puberty around age 16 and guys around 17 or 18.  Guess when people got married: around 17 or 18.  So, there wasn't much of a gap between puberty and marriage.  In our current society, boys and girls both hit puberty between 11-13.  The average age today for marriage for women is 23 and for men is 27!  You're looking at a 12-16 year gap! Holy crap.  That's a long time to reign in raging hormones.  ha.  Anyway, I thought it was interesting.

That's enough food for thought.  Have a wonderful weekend!

Christen

Fonder

You know how they say distance makes the heart grow fonder?  Well, our two month separation has been terrible.  Those people at MySpace don't understand why I want to write everyday.  They just don't!  So, I hope you'll accept me back.

I think I went on a date tonight.  ha.  Like how I "think"?  I had dinner with an old friend, a guy I haven't seen in over 6 years.  But we went to a nice place, he paid, we talked.  It was fun.  Maybe this casual dating thing is more fun that I thought. :)

So what's been going on in your life these past 2 months?

I'm in my very last semester of college...EVER!  It's been crazy hard, but I'm enjoying my friendships and hanging out.  Things are good, minus classes. ;)

Christen