I've heard all these great things about green tea-- weight loss, sun damage protection, lower cancer risks. Whatever the reasons to drink it, I'm sitting here with a hot cup of tea and my thoughts.
I still don't know the results from my EMT test on Friday, but I'm feeling calmer and slightly more optimistic. I'm not sure I passed, but I guess I feel better that if I failed, I can retake it and life has not ended.
This is going to be a hard semester, both physically and mentally. I took forgranted not having to work in college. I did work because I wanted spending money, but I wasn't stressed trying to pay a school bill or rent. Thank the Lord for such generous parents. Balancing work and school will be a challenge, but I'm ready to tackle it. I think one of my biggest challenges will be practicing IV's. I hate causing people inconvenience, and pain falls in there somewhere. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and missing IV's will be stressful. But practice makes perfect and failure builds character, and well, both of these things are good.
Quick update: My church officially has a pastor. I am so excited to have Pastor Edgar and Stephanie Ayala joining us in a few short weeks. When my dad retired last February, I had no idea it would take a solid year to get a new pastor in place. A lot has changed. We have seen growth in some areas, and pruning in others. We lost our music pastor (miss you, Tim!!), which was a huge loss, but we've had the opportunity to watch another man grow in his talents and abilities as he stepped into empty shoes. We were forced to stand on the promise that God had someone great for us. And I'm really excited that we found just that. I love Longview First Assembly. They became my church family 16 years ago, and I've loved growing up with them. I cannot wait for the next season. :)
Hope you have a wonderful week. I'm sad the weekend's over. I spent some much needed time with great friends. I love home and I love Dallas. It was nice to have both in the same weekend.
Much love.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
This girl is a complete and total stress ball
If you have known me for any length of time, you know I'm not a long-term planner. I'm good to make plans for the next 6 months, but beyond that...it probably won't happen. I think this mentality stems from my desire to face one challenge at a time rather than consider 10 in advance.
I will never forget the day I learned what a syllabus is. I was a junior in high school taking a freshman-level college English class, and on the first day of class, I was handed this packet outlining every project, paper, assignment, and test for the whole semester. It didn't matter that I was a good student or that English came extremely easy to me. I was told in 15 minutes that I had 100 things to accomplish in 3 1/2 months. I remember coming home and crying because I didn't feel able.
For 8 semesters during undergrad, this situation repeated itself. Teachers told me what was expected, and I cried. No, I never cried in class, but at home, yes. Last semester when I started my EMT program, I managed to get through that first day without the waterworks. I started my 2nd semester today, and so far, no tears.
But the stress and feelings of inadequacy are still there. This morning, I sat and listened to my teacher explain the 9 tests we'd take, the inch and a half thick workbook we would complete, and the 144 hours of clinicals we'd perform. (Yes, that's twice as many as last semester.) Oh, and let's not forget that I still have to take my National Registry test on Friday. A test that at least 3 people in my class have failed, and that I must pass to even start my clinicals this semester. My brain was swimming. All I could think was, how am I going to do this? And work? And be involved? And date? (Oh wait.) There aren't enough hours in the day, or year. And on top of all that, I found a quiz in our textbook to measure stressors in your life. I took it. I scored a 314. Interpretation: "A score of 300 or more means you have an 80% chance of suffering from a stress-related illness in the near future." What the?! So, now, I'm being told that all these circumstances in my life are likely going to make me sick?
I about lost it.
Do I honestly think I'm going to fail? No. It will get done, some how, some way. I just wish I didn't have to think about it all at the same time. This is where I'd like to be a guy so I could compartmentalize it. Y'all do that, right?
Thanks for listening to my bit of complaining. It's the stress talking. Please pray that I take this one day at a time. Pray that I recall everything I've studied for my test on Friday.
Much love.
I will never forget the day I learned what a syllabus is. I was a junior in high school taking a freshman-level college English class, and on the first day of class, I was handed this packet outlining every project, paper, assignment, and test for the whole semester. It didn't matter that I was a good student or that English came extremely easy to me. I was told in 15 minutes that I had 100 things to accomplish in 3 1/2 months. I remember coming home and crying because I didn't feel able.
For 8 semesters during undergrad, this situation repeated itself. Teachers told me what was expected, and I cried. No, I never cried in class, but at home, yes. Last semester when I started my EMT program, I managed to get through that first day without the waterworks. I started my 2nd semester today, and so far, no tears.
But the stress and feelings of inadequacy are still there. This morning, I sat and listened to my teacher explain the 9 tests we'd take, the inch and a half thick workbook we would complete, and the 144 hours of clinicals we'd perform. (Yes, that's twice as many as last semester.) Oh, and let's not forget that I still have to take my National Registry test on Friday. A test that at least 3 people in my class have failed, and that I must pass to even start my clinicals this semester. My brain was swimming. All I could think was, how am I going to do this? And work? And be involved? And date? (Oh wait.) There aren't enough hours in the day, or year. And on top of all that, I found a quiz in our textbook to measure stressors in your life. I took it. I scored a 314. Interpretation: "A score of 300 or more means you have an 80% chance of suffering from a stress-related illness in the near future." What the?! So, now, I'm being told that all these circumstances in my life are likely going to make me sick?
I about lost it.
Do I honestly think I'm going to fail? No. It will get done, some how, some way. I just wish I didn't have to think about it all at the same time. This is where I'd like to be a guy so I could compartmentalize it. Y'all do that, right?
Thanks for listening to my bit of complaining. It's the stress talking. Please pray that I take this one day at a time. Pray that I recall everything I've studied for my test on Friday.
Much love.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Where I'm At
When did it become 2010? (By the way, we're all going to get on board for calling it twenty-ten, right? I'm worn out from saying "two thousand" for the last 10 years.)
Anyway...this past decade has been huge. I experienced most of high school, all of college, being a flight attendant, going through Master's Commission, working at an elementary school, and returning to school to be an EMT during the '00's. All the while, I went through all of my legitimate adult relationships, had my heart broken (eh, twice), and possibly broke a heart or two (though you'd have to ask them about the past statuses of said hearts).
This past year alone was crazy. I chalk it up to a big learning experience. I started the year by dating a guy who can't be described as anything less than a jerk (don't worry, he'll never read this, and if he does, well, hey, this isn't new information). I didn't listen to my intuition at first, and as a result, learned my first big lesson for the year. Two thousand nine found me standing up for myself and no longer putting up with someone else's crap (yes, I just described someone's life issues and baggage as crap...we all have it). I have been on more first dates this past year than the last 10 years combined. And I have been on zero second dates (aside from aforementioned jerk). There are a plethora of reasons for that, but that's not important.
2009 also found me changing jobs, moving home with my parents, and going back to school. It has been an incredibly humbling experience. I spent the years after college living by myself (as well as 100% supporting myself) to suddenly be in a place where money is not a luxury. I can't go get that monthly massage or that weekly (read: daily) latte. I just can't. I have a car payment. I have health insurance. But despite my seeming financial woes, it has been an incredibly joyful 6 months. I got to watch my little brother play all but 1 of his varsity football games. I led a high school small group from the church that I grew up in and that shaped me.
I had the best Christmas I've had in a very long time...not because of the presents, but because I was in a house full of decorations, I made Christmas cookies, and I got to spend every waking moment with my family. I traded some financial security for many more less tangible pleasures.
I am a walking blender of emotions. Catch me on the wrong day and all you'll hear is how frustrated I am. But I was quickly reminded this past week by a friend that I am very blessed.
And that's truth. That's truth that leads me into twenty-ten with a high head and big expectations. I'll make all the basketball games I can physically be at before my little brother graduates and moves off to college. I'll spend my free evening hanging out with my family, watching a movie, or just playing cards. And I'll continue to avoid that 2nd date as long as it doesn't feel right. 2010 is about the fulfillment of life, not the rush or busy-ness or lack of resources. It's about living to my greatest potential. :)
Good luck. Much love.
Anyway...this past decade has been huge. I experienced most of high school, all of college, being a flight attendant, going through Master's Commission, working at an elementary school, and returning to school to be an EMT during the '00's. All the while, I went through all of my legitimate adult relationships, had my heart broken (eh, twice), and possibly broke a heart or two (though you'd have to ask them about the past statuses of said hearts).
This past year alone was crazy. I chalk it up to a big learning experience. I started the year by dating a guy who can't be described as anything less than a jerk (don't worry, he'll never read this, and if he does, well, hey, this isn't new information). I didn't listen to my intuition at first, and as a result, learned my first big lesson for the year. Two thousand nine found me standing up for myself and no longer putting up with someone else's crap (yes, I just described someone's life issues and baggage as crap...we all have it). I have been on more first dates this past year than the last 10 years combined. And I have been on zero second dates (aside from aforementioned jerk). There are a plethora of reasons for that, but that's not important.
2009 also found me changing jobs, moving home with my parents, and going back to school. It has been an incredibly humbling experience. I spent the years after college living by myself (as well as 100% supporting myself) to suddenly be in a place where money is not a luxury. I can't go get that monthly massage or that weekly (read: daily) latte. I just can't. I have a car payment. I have health insurance. But despite my seeming financial woes, it has been an incredibly joyful 6 months. I got to watch my little brother play all but 1 of his varsity football games. I led a high school small group from the church that I grew up in and that shaped me.
I had the best Christmas I've had in a very long time...not because of the presents, but because I was in a house full of decorations, I made Christmas cookies, and I got to spend every waking moment with my family. I traded some financial security for many more less tangible pleasures.
I am a walking blender of emotions. Catch me on the wrong day and all you'll hear is how frustrated I am. But I was quickly reminded this past week by a friend that I am very blessed.
And that's truth. That's truth that leads me into twenty-ten with a high head and big expectations. I'll make all the basketball games I can physically be at before my little brother graduates and moves off to college. I'll spend my free evening hanging out with my family, watching a movie, or just playing cards. And I'll continue to avoid that 2nd date as long as it doesn't feel right. 2010 is about the fulfillment of life, not the rush or busy-ness or lack of resources. It's about living to my greatest potential. :)
Good luck. Much love.
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