Dearest Xanga,

Have you ever noticed that even though this is an online journal, and I write so many different things about myself and my life, that it's actually very guarded? There are so many things that I do not share: personal thoughts, fears, life dreams, hopes. Today is one of those days where I do not share what I most want to say.

I watched Hotel Rwanda this morning. How ashamed I was to be American at that moment. I know I was only 10 when the genocide took place, but what happened? Why did our government stand by and watch 800,000 people die like that? Wow, I was so gripped by the movie that I hardly cried, but the tears poured down when it ended. How is it possible that I NEVER heard about that? There were several parts of the movie that rang so true to me. When the Americans, Belgians and French were being rescued from the hotel, a reporter said, "I'm so ashamed." He knew what was happening and knew his government was doing nothing to help. Also, a UN official told Paul (a Rwandan) that he was dirt in the world's eyes, not even a ni**er. He was an African. How true is that still today? The US cares about Europe, Asia, South America, but not Africa. Africa is finally getting some publicity because of actors like Angelina Jolie who work over there to end poverty. What callous, uncaring American we can be. I'm so ashamed.

Christen