Adopting a God-dream

Yesterday, I was picking up my bridesmaid dress for a friend's wedding this summer, and we were talking shoes, jewelry, hair. I disappointed her when I said my hair doesn't hold curls. I've tried: mousse, hair spray, rollers, curling iron, flat iron, the works! It looks pretty for an hour and then it's straight (with a bunch of nasty products in it). My hair is straight, very straight. It doesn't hold curl, and this is a fact I long ago accepted. I don't try to force my hair to do what it doesn't naturally have the ability to do.

I think our interaction with God is often the same. We beg him to make us into something we were never created to do. We try to stretch or mold ourselves into an idea that God never had for us. It's like putting rollers in my hair. It might work for a moment, but we're going to be frustrated and disappointed in the end.

Sometimes we have to let go of the dreams that aren't God-dreams. Let him use the abilities he naturally gave you. You will succeed far more than you imagined.

Love without words

Love speaks a language that is deeper, lovelier, and more eloquent than any we know and speak. Love crosses every boundary- race, religion, class. And the beauty of love is that it was designed by a heavenly author.

My former youth pastors recently adopted a little girl from China. She is almost 7 and doesn't speak a lick of English. I would venture to say their Chinese is about as good. But the reports I have heard are incredible. She laughs with them, plays, hugs, cuddles, and trusts them, without being able to really communicate. It's the beauty of love.

At work, the ladies who cook in the back all speak Spanish. Despite my 4 years in school, I definitely am not proficient in the language by any means. But I say hola and pat them on the back, and ask about their ninos, and smile with each passing. And when I've been gone for a couple of days, they ask where I've been, and hug me. That's love. Somehow, I've conveyed love. No credit to me...just the beauty of an unspoken language.

Love someone today. Much love.

Thoughts from the back of an ambulance

I finally figured out a way to blog from my phone. Sitting at the computer is one thing I do not make time for in my life any more. My Mac has seen better days and refuses to connect to the internet, so I can't lay in bed and write like I used to. Therefore blogging has its best chances during my down time at clinicals or break at work.

Tonight I find myself in the back of an ambulance, killing time while the guys fill up with gas. We've had some good calls, and I'm glad I got a chance to tag along. One thing I realized tonight was that I have the strangest mix of fears. I can put a c-collar (neck immobilizer) on a bleeding patient without a flinch, but that dead spider in the station's bathroom about made me come unglued. I love knowing that I'm helping someone; maybe that's why blood and vomit and other unpleasant fluids don't bother me.

Alright, it's quittin' time. Much love.

Not quite homeless

I'm sitting in the office at our home writing. Writing to whomever might stumble upon this humble blog and read these words. Writing while my parents sit at the dining room table and sign papers with a realtor. We are selling our home. The home I have lived in sporadically since 2000. A home where I dressed for prom, left for college, watched a million movies, and spent a thousand nights. I love this house. I have lived here more than anywhere else.

I feel torn about the future. I want it to sell. I want my parents to build their dream home out on my grandparents' land near the lake. I truly want this for them.

But I'm not ready for the next step. I'm not sure what it means for me. Where will I live? Where will I finish school? Do I want to stay in Longview when all my family is in Van? Do I want to live in Van where the closest Walmart is 30 minutes away?

I pride myself in my flexibility and love of change, and I am these things. But it's hard to plan anything when you may be homeless in 4-8 weeks.

I have some options, but it's a matter of deciding what I want and where. I'm trusting for the Lord's timing and the Lord's leading. God, order my steps.

If you're looking for a beautiful 3 bedroom house, let me know. :)

Transient

I have not spent a 12 month period in the same place since 2002. As many different times as I've made plans to stay put, I haven't. Even now, I want to put down roots, but I can't. I know life will change soon. I don't worry about it, because life always works itself out, but someday, I want to live somewhere for a while.

I want a reason to stay put.

Look it's Lent!

Well, folks, it's that time again! Happy Mardi Gras!! Tomorrow begins a time of prayer and fasting called Lent. Last year, I wrote about the history of this time. If you missed it, check it out: http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=74745751507 If you don't have FB, well, I guess it's time to sign up. :)

The Lord has been stirring my heart the past few weeks. In the midst of my craziness, he wants to be known and to be the prominent part of my life like never before. He's not satisfied simply with church attendance and good deeds; he wants my heart. I have been eagerly anticipating this time. I have taken part in Lent for the past several years, and it is always a tremendous time of growing, learning, and stretching-- and drawing nearer to a savior who loves me entirely more than I can fathom.

During the weeks leading up to Lent, I have to examine my life and my heart: What consumes my time and energy, my thoughts, passions, and focus? What can I give up during this season that will be challenging and will spur me towards prayer? The whole point of fasting is to give up a practice that we desire, and when thinking on this thing, pray instead of taking part. I have a feeling I will be reminded to pray quite often this year.

If you have never taken a season to fast, I challenge you to jump on board. Lent lasts from tomorrow until Easter Sunday. It's not about the rules, it's about the heart behind it. Allow this to be an encouraging time, not a guilt trip or legalistic game. And when we reach Easter, I pray we all more fully understand the sacrifice that was made on our behalf.

Much love.

Snow Day

Some of my very favorite memories include snow. Growing up, my family used to go skiing every year. I can remember taking "secret" trails with my best friend, staying inside with my mom because it had snowed 12" the night before, burying Cokes in the snow to find later, and pushing the limits without care. One of my first memories is from when I was 3 or 4. It had snowed in Van, and we built a snowman. I'm pretty sure I remember every snowman I've ever attempted.

Snow is magical, especially in Texas. It's gentle and clean. It's the epitome of peaceful. I could sit and watch it snow for hours.

I've sat and watched it snow for hours today. Well, I haven't sat, but it snowed throughout my entire work day, which made it great.

I secretly pray for snow all year long. Not just because I hope it closes work and school (which of course I do), but because it's one of my favorite things. I love snow. Love.

Hope you've had a nice snow day. Today makes me want to move to Colorado so bad.

Much love.