Sometimes the highest highs are followed by the lowest of lows. I feel like life demands this balance. If we never experienced highs, there would be no hope. If we didn't experience lows, there'd be no caution.
I think my life is a good balance, for the most part. However, what if you don't especially like the high points you're given? What if you would prefer a different set of joys?
I live a life many would love. I go as I please. I have many close friends and a family I adore. I enjoy my job and exist comfortably on my salary. But in the things I crave more than anything else, I'm left wanting.
I feel like I'm biding my time, paying my dues before I'm awarded the thing I truly desire. And there's nothing to do but patiently wait. My efforts do not hurry the day's hours...only make them drag on.
So, I go back to my routine and hope and pray and look to the day when today's joys are joined with my desired joys.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
Repeat Offender
I have been "losing weight" since I was 16. Any woman (or man for that matter) who has struggled with their weight understands the perpetual up and down battle. If you and I met within the last 9 years, I might have been a size 6, or maybe a...oh we won't go there. Let's just say, I fluctuate more than 5 pounds.
Losing weight is a thorn in my side. It's not like I can do it once and forever be done with it... It's a constant struggle. If I'm not disciplined every day, it eventually creeps back up. And food isn't like alcohol or drugs or some other thing that brings you down and you can totally avoid. Food is part of our every day life. I have to learn to eat in balance and in every situation. It's a battle I wage every hour I'm awake. On top of that, I'm an emotional eater. It's a proven fact. I lose weight when I'm single and gain after a break up. I stay steady when I'm in relationships. It's almost funny. Almost.
Wednesday of this week, I joined Weight Watchers. Again. Yes, I've done this 3 times before. You would probably be shocked at all the "diet" plans I've followed. It's embarrassing. But I've always been successful with WW. Plus, two of my family members also joined, so we're in this together. :)
I have come to realize over the last 2 years that my mental maturity really didn't "mature" until I was about 22 or 23. So much of me has changed including my motivations and disciplines. Losing weight at 18 was to look hot. Losing weight at 25 is about prolonging my life, decreasing my risks for cancer and heart disease, and increasing my energy. Sure, it's still about looking good, but it's not my sole drive.
So, why do I tell you all this? Because it's true. Because it consumes my life. Because out of everything in my life ever, it's the biggest challenge and struggle I face. And being that you're in my life, or at least peering in during my blog sessions, I might as well be real with you.
Losing weight is a thorn in my side. It's not like I can do it once and forever be done with it... It's a constant struggle. If I'm not disciplined every day, it eventually creeps back up. And food isn't like alcohol or drugs or some other thing that brings you down and you can totally avoid. Food is part of our every day life. I have to learn to eat in balance and in every situation. It's a battle I wage every hour I'm awake. On top of that, I'm an emotional eater. It's a proven fact. I lose weight when I'm single and gain after a break up. I stay steady when I'm in relationships. It's almost funny. Almost.
Wednesday of this week, I joined Weight Watchers. Again. Yes, I've done this 3 times before. You would probably be shocked at all the "diet" plans I've followed. It's embarrassing. But I've always been successful with WW. Plus, two of my family members also joined, so we're in this together. :)
I have come to realize over the last 2 years that my mental maturity really didn't "mature" until I was about 22 or 23. So much of me has changed including my motivations and disciplines. Losing weight at 18 was to look hot. Losing weight at 25 is about prolonging my life, decreasing my risks for cancer and heart disease, and increasing my energy. Sure, it's still about looking good, but it's not my sole drive.
So, why do I tell you all this? Because it's true. Because it consumes my life. Because out of everything in my life ever, it's the biggest challenge and struggle I face. And being that you're in my life, or at least peering in during my blog sessions, I might as well be real with you.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Thoughts from a Republicrat :)
Just so you know, yes, you are reading a political blog by Christen Carter. You have not stumbled into some parallel universe. I promise.
For some reason, this election...I care. I don't know if it's because I'm getting older and tax raises or cuts directly affect me, or that the idea of equal healthcare for every person is extremely appealing, or that I'm tired of being at war, yet I don't think leaving altogether will solve anything.
I spent the last two Thursday evenings listening to two very different acceptance speeches by the men gearing up to lead our country. I love our country. I love that we have the freedom of speech (hello! blogging!), the freedom to bear arms (which I do), the freedom to practice our religions, and to live a life with millions of possibilities. I love that this nation encourages creativity and resourcefulness. I love that we're getting back to some environmental values. And I love that I have a choice of who I can elect to lead this great country. I haven't quite yet decided who I am voting for this year because I feel like we have two very worthy options.
Barack Obama's speech was eloquent. He made so many wonderful points, and I found myself teary eyed agreeing with so much of what he said. I really do like the idea of health care for every American. Keyword: idea. I can't stand the thought of my taxes going up or providing health care for people who won't help themselves. It's a great idea that I'm not sure is ready to be implemented.
I also liked the way he concluded his speech. Of course I'm against abortion. I believe every person was a true life at conception. But do I think we should outlaw abortion? Unfortunately, no. When it's outlawed, women take scary measures to have them done. Plus, part of the American dream is the right of choice, no matter if I agree with that choice or not. I think it would be very wise to educate young people about safe sex, to provide them with the tools to make a choice for themselves, one way or the other. The average 16 year old is going to learn about sex. It's either going to be from a friend, who probably doesn't have his facts straight, or an educated adult who can warn them about STDs and the true facts on pregnancy, and the wonderful option of abstinence. I hope you hear my heart because I absolutely believe abstinence is the best option. Hello? Do you know me?
Also, I won't go into this in detail, but yes, I do believe that homosexual couples should be able to get insurance together and be legally linked so that medical decisions can be made. Do I think homosexual marriage lines up with my beliefs? No. But like I've said, I think America's all about the freedom of choice, no matter the choice.
Overall, great speech by Obama. He is a very likable man. I think he would do a terrific job uniting our country, both parties included. My major hesitations: his energy policy (I think we need to safely drill right now, right here in our country) and his lack of experience. I'm not jumping on that bandwagon; I just think it will be hard for him to be the commander of our troops when he has no military experience, and though I think his years as a senator are great, they are few.
John McCain's speech was oh, so different. McCain is definitely not cut out to be a speech maker. He fumbled over his words a few times, and it probably didn't help that protesters were crying out during the beginning. He refrained from attacking Obama much, which was drastically different from Obama. And he drew on his love of country to appeal to the masses of America-lovers (myself included). He demonstrated that he is experienced, loyal, and a hardworker. He discussed his years in the military and then shared his thoughts on the war in Iraq. I believe with all my heart that he wants to see this war end as much as I do. He watched the torment that he and his family were put through during Vietnam and Pearl Harbor, and he doesn't want to see other families go through that. But I also believe that he will be strategic in his actions. He understands that a resolution to this war won't be overnight, and it will take thought. I trust him. And that's huge.
I love, love, love his energy policy. I think I clapped during that part last night. My entire family is involved in the oil industry. My grandfather, two uncles, my mom, and my brother all work as landmen. They know the ins and outs of drilling and what it means for our economy. It is absolutely possible to safely drill in Alaska and off shore. I'm tired of sending our workers and money overseas for oil when it's available here. I'm very passionate about this.
I like that McCain acknowledged that he and Obama both have great ideas and maybe it would be a good idea to implement some of both. I like that McCain wants to see health care for every American but through different routes. I am okay with this. I just want to see it happen.
Major hesitations: also his age. He's pretty old. He comes from the old republican age. He could very well be a Bush 2.0, which is a terrible thought. He has years and years of experience, but will be be stuck in his ways? How much change will we truly see?
I think one of McCain's best assets at this point is his V.P. Sarah Palin is amazing. She is the more eloquent of the two. She has class and yet isn't afraid to throw punches. I like her. I also think she will draw Hillary's female population.
Bottomline: I'm totally torn. I think both men are great. I think either way, our country will be just fine. I also wonder if my vote is going to count much anyway...
Texas is a red state. It just is. Whether I vote or not, it's going to McCain. Basically, my vote is either going to be a vote of confidence for McCain or a vote of protest for Obama. But I guess we'll see.
Thanks for listening. :) I hope you too are informed.
For some reason, this election...I care. I don't know if it's because I'm getting older and tax raises or cuts directly affect me, or that the idea of equal healthcare for every person is extremely appealing, or that I'm tired of being at war, yet I don't think leaving altogether will solve anything.
I spent the last two Thursday evenings listening to two very different acceptance speeches by the men gearing up to lead our country. I love our country. I love that we have the freedom of speech (hello! blogging!), the freedom to bear arms (which I do), the freedom to practice our religions, and to live a life with millions of possibilities. I love that this nation encourages creativity and resourcefulness. I love that we're getting back to some environmental values. And I love that I have a choice of who I can elect to lead this great country. I haven't quite yet decided who I am voting for this year because I feel like we have two very worthy options.
Barack Obama's speech was eloquent. He made so many wonderful points, and I found myself teary eyed agreeing with so much of what he said. I really do like the idea of health care for every American. Keyword: idea. I can't stand the thought of my taxes going up or providing health care for people who won't help themselves. It's a great idea that I'm not sure is ready to be implemented.
I also liked the way he concluded his speech. Of course I'm against abortion. I believe every person was a true life at conception. But do I think we should outlaw abortion? Unfortunately, no. When it's outlawed, women take scary measures to have them done. Plus, part of the American dream is the right of choice, no matter if I agree with that choice or not. I think it would be very wise to educate young people about safe sex, to provide them with the tools to make a choice for themselves, one way or the other. The average 16 year old is going to learn about sex. It's either going to be from a friend, who probably doesn't have his facts straight, or an educated adult who can warn them about STDs and the true facts on pregnancy, and the wonderful option of abstinence. I hope you hear my heart because I absolutely believe abstinence is the best option. Hello? Do you know me?
Also, I won't go into this in detail, but yes, I do believe that homosexual couples should be able to get insurance together and be legally linked so that medical decisions can be made. Do I think homosexual marriage lines up with my beliefs? No. But like I've said, I think America's all about the freedom of choice, no matter the choice.
Overall, great speech by Obama. He is a very likable man. I think he would do a terrific job uniting our country, both parties included. My major hesitations: his energy policy (I think we need to safely drill right now, right here in our country) and his lack of experience. I'm not jumping on that bandwagon; I just think it will be hard for him to be the commander of our troops when he has no military experience, and though I think his years as a senator are great, they are few.
John McCain's speech was oh, so different. McCain is definitely not cut out to be a speech maker. He fumbled over his words a few times, and it probably didn't help that protesters were crying out during the beginning. He refrained from attacking Obama much, which was drastically different from Obama. And he drew on his love of country to appeal to the masses of America-lovers (myself included). He demonstrated that he is experienced, loyal, and a hardworker. He discussed his years in the military and then shared his thoughts on the war in Iraq. I believe with all my heart that he wants to see this war end as much as I do. He watched the torment that he and his family were put through during Vietnam and Pearl Harbor, and he doesn't want to see other families go through that. But I also believe that he will be strategic in his actions. He understands that a resolution to this war won't be overnight, and it will take thought. I trust him. And that's huge.
I love, love, love his energy policy. I think I clapped during that part last night. My entire family is involved in the oil industry. My grandfather, two uncles, my mom, and my brother all work as landmen. They know the ins and outs of drilling and what it means for our economy. It is absolutely possible to safely drill in Alaska and off shore. I'm tired of sending our workers and money overseas for oil when it's available here. I'm very passionate about this.
I like that McCain acknowledged that he and Obama both have great ideas and maybe it would be a good idea to implement some of both. I like that McCain wants to see health care for every American but through different routes. I am okay with this. I just want to see it happen.
Major hesitations: also his age. He's pretty old. He comes from the old republican age. He could very well be a Bush 2.0, which is a terrible thought. He has years and years of experience, but will be be stuck in his ways? How much change will we truly see?
I think one of McCain's best assets at this point is his V.P. Sarah Palin is amazing. She is the more eloquent of the two. She has class and yet isn't afraid to throw punches. I like her. I also think she will draw Hillary's female population.
Bottomline: I'm totally torn. I think both men are great. I think either way, our country will be just fine. I also wonder if my vote is going to count much anyway...
Texas is a red state. It just is. Whether I vote or not, it's going to McCain. Basically, my vote is either going to be a vote of confidence for McCain or a vote of protest for Obama. But I guess we'll see.
Thanks for listening. :) I hope you too are informed.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Doing well :-)
I've felt the need to run away all week. Work has been beyond stressful. I could honestly stay for 24 straight hours and not be caught up. I do the job of 4 people at our other offices. But I still love it. I am so blessed to work for the most patient, caring boss of all times. I love that his wife is one of my best friends.
This has been the best weekend of my life, or at least in the top 5. :-)
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Education for the Post-Graduate
I have, and probably always will, love school!! There's something about discovering a subject or detail that makes you say, "Wow!" I will always remember a 3rd grade G/T assignment over Egyptian culture. Ever since, I've been obsessed with mummies. I actually cried in a museum the first time I saw a real one. Such joy fills my heart...and all thanks to a teacher who was just doing her job.
Going to college was an adventure. Sure, I had those classes that were uninteresting and worthless, but I also experienced incredible growth and expansion of my strengths, interests, and loves.
Being out of college has been hard. I went to flight attendant training last summer and had the opportunity to learn a crazy fun skill, but the last 11 months have been a little empty. I have always wanted to be a life-long learner, but I still am not sure in what I want to get my master's degree. I don't want to waste time (or money) taking classes in a subject area I'm not convinced I'll love. So, I continue to wait...
Thankfully, the avenue I've so been looking for literally dropped itself into my mailbox this week. A community college in my town offers dozens of continuing education classes for a wonderful price. I can pick and choose classes that simply interest me and not worry about grades, failure, homework, or an outrageous class. Want to know what I just signed up for? "Basics of Writing a Novel" and "Ceramics I" :) I love writing (obviously), and I love art.
I'm so excited!
Going to college was an adventure. Sure, I had those classes that were uninteresting and worthless, but I also experienced incredible growth and expansion of my strengths, interests, and loves.
Being out of college has been hard. I went to flight attendant training last summer and had the opportunity to learn a crazy fun skill, but the last 11 months have been a little empty. I have always wanted to be a life-long learner, but I still am not sure in what I want to get my master's degree. I don't want to waste time (or money) taking classes in a subject area I'm not convinced I'll love. So, I continue to wait...
Thankfully, the avenue I've so been looking for literally dropped itself into my mailbox this week. A community college in my town offers dozens of continuing education classes for a wonderful price. I can pick and choose classes that simply interest me and not worry about grades, failure, homework, or an outrageous class. Want to know what I just signed up for? "Basics of Writing a Novel" and "Ceramics I" :) I love writing (obviously), and I love art.
I'm so excited!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Sometimes I wish my thoughts could be a streaming blog. Around 1 p.m., right after lunch, I have my most brilliant thoughts, and so rarely have pen or paper in the vicinity. I often script in my mind exactly what I'll say but usually can't even remember the basic thought once I'm in front of a computer. You'd think I'd learn.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Telling
I'm a pretty systematic, predictable person. I tend to respond to a situation the same way I have before. When confronted with a dilemna, my course of action rarely changes.
Similarly, my blogs are often telling of my true feelings, albeit indirectly. When I'm upset or sad, the blog will be dark, even without addressing the source of my thoughts. When I'm happy, you'll probably get smiley faces and pictures. When I'm making a major change or embarking in a new relationship, I'm cryptic. However, when my thoughts are overwhelming, I don't blog at all.
I'm one of those people who, if you want to know something, ask me. I'm going to tell you. Though, in blog form, I can't seem to open up. Maybe it's the public audience. Maybe it's the fear of criticism. Who knows...
Tonight, I'm in a weird mood and I want to be open and telling, but I just can't bring myself to be. I'm quite irritated. I feel like a pawn in a bigger game.
Christen
Similarly, my blogs are often telling of my true feelings, albeit indirectly. When I'm upset or sad, the blog will be dark, even without addressing the source of my thoughts. When I'm happy, you'll probably get smiley faces and pictures. When I'm making a major change or embarking in a new relationship, I'm cryptic. However, when my thoughts are overwhelming, I don't blog at all.
I'm one of those people who, if you want to know something, ask me. I'm going to tell you. Though, in blog form, I can't seem to open up. Maybe it's the public audience. Maybe it's the fear of criticism. Who knows...
Tonight, I'm in a weird mood and I want to be open and telling, but I just can't bring myself to be. I'm quite irritated. I feel like a pawn in a bigger game.
Christen
Friday, June 27, 2008
Partly true piece of fiction
Her friend leaned over and asked how she was feeling. She paused and gave a quizzical look, "I don't know."
The question lingered in her mind throughout the entire evening. Why didn't she have a straight answer?
On the drive home, the thought plagued her. What was this feeling?
Sadness? No. She was a crier, so tears would be present if she was sad.
Anger? No again. The anger had subsided weeks ago.
Disappointment? She tried the word out on her lips. "Disappointment." It seemed to want to fit, but that still wasn't it.
Peace? No, definitely not peace. It was far too heavy to be peace.
"Nothing."
"I feel... Nothing."
The word seemed odd and yet-- true.
"Nothing. I'm okay with that."
Feeling nothing meant she wasn't feeling all these other emotions, which brought a sense of contentment and almost... Joy. She could handle nothing. She liked nothing. Nothing was the best feeling she had felt in five months.
The question lingered in her mind throughout the entire evening. Why didn't she have a straight answer?
On the drive home, the thought plagued her. What was this feeling?
Sadness? No. She was a crier, so tears would be present if she was sad.
Anger? No again. The anger had subsided weeks ago.
Disappointment? She tried the word out on her lips. "Disappointment." It seemed to want to fit, but that still wasn't it.
Peace? No, definitely not peace. It was far too heavy to be peace.
"Nothing."
"I feel... Nothing."
The word seemed odd and yet-- true.
"Nothing. I'm okay with that."
Feeling nothing meant she wasn't feeling all these other emotions, which brought a sense of contentment and almost... Joy. She could handle nothing. She liked nothing. Nothing was the best feeling she had felt in five months.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Three, two, one...
I'm two seconds away from losing my mind.
The building where I work is under major renovations. I sit at a folding table right now because my old desk was destroyed and my new desk has not arrived.
In the room I work, the following things are happening simultaneously:
- Shelving is being hung with a drill and hammer
- The carpet is being cleaned by an industrial sized vacuum cleaner
- The baseboards are being nailed into place
Even with headphones shoved in my ears, the noise is unbearable. I can feel my blood pressure rising. My concentration is next to nothing. And my work is continuously piling up as a result.
Maybe no one will notice if I scream...
The building where I work is under major renovations. I sit at a folding table right now because my old desk was destroyed and my new desk has not arrived.
In the room I work, the following things are happening simultaneously:
- Shelving is being hung with a drill and hammer
- The carpet is being cleaned by an industrial sized vacuum cleaner
- The baseboards are being nailed into place
Even with headphones shoved in my ears, the noise is unbearable. I can feel my blood pressure rising. My concentration is next to nothing. And my work is continuously piling up as a result.
Maybe no one will notice if I scream...
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
I can almost feel my toes in the sand
I had a chill evening at Starbucks last night. There's something about a caramel macchiato that brings clarity and sense to your life.
Next week is a wedding I have been anticipating for months. I'll be traveling to Destin, FL to sit beachside as one of my friends marries the love of her life. Ironically, this love is my ex-boyfriend's brother. And said ex-boyfriend is the best man.
Now, I know what you're thinking, "That seems like torture." Well...such is life. I am consciously walking into next week's events with a high head and a big ol' smile because I wouldn't miss my friend's day for anything, not even to avoid a potentially awkward situation.
It's bittersweet, really. I'll get to witness the biggest day of her entire life. I'll get to see our friends as well as her new in-laws who, by the way, are the coolest family in the world. Plus, I'll get two days at the beach with no distractions. Sounds like a pretty good package in exchange for an awkward side hug and meaningless small talk. ;)
Hope you're having a great week.
Next week is a wedding I have been anticipating for months. I'll be traveling to Destin, FL to sit beachside as one of my friends marries the love of her life. Ironically, this love is my ex-boyfriend's brother. And said ex-boyfriend is the best man.
Now, I know what you're thinking, "That seems like torture." Well...such is life. I am consciously walking into next week's events with a high head and a big ol' smile because I wouldn't miss my friend's day for anything, not even to avoid a potentially awkward situation.
It's bittersweet, really. I'll get to witness the biggest day of her entire life. I'll get to see our friends as well as her new in-laws who, by the way, are the coolest family in the world. Plus, I'll get two days at the beach with no distractions. Sounds like a pretty good package in exchange for an awkward side hug and meaningless small talk. ;)
Hope you're having a great week.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Free Rice
I went to see Augustana last night with two amazing friends. "I think I'll go Boston..."
I so wish.
Nate reminded me last night of a site where you can earn free rice for the hungry by playing a simple vocabulary game. Anyone who knows me knows that my vocabulary isn't exactly huge. Thesauruses are my best friend. I'm also a terrible speller-- I went to look up thesaurus.
I have played a lot today. I think I earned around 8 thousand grains of rice. :) While you're visiting the site, don't skip the link to www.poverty.com. If it doesn't break your heart, reread it. I don't think I fully understand this world and the living conditions so many people experience.
Lord, make me more aware of those outside my sphere of life.
Go play. Feed the hungry. Make a difference.
I so wish.
Nate reminded me last night of a site where you can earn free rice for the hungry by playing a simple vocabulary game. Anyone who knows me knows that my vocabulary isn't exactly huge. Thesauruses are my best friend. I'm also a terrible speller-- I went to look up thesaurus.
I have played a lot today. I think I earned around 8 thousand grains of rice. :) While you're visiting the site, don't skip the link to www.poverty.com. If it doesn't break your heart, reread it. I don't think I fully understand this world and the living conditions so many people experience.
Lord, make me more aware of those outside my sphere of life.
Go play. Feed the hungry. Make a difference.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
This sucks
I feel a little piece of my soul die every time I fill up with gas.
As the numbers roll, I think:
"well, $10 could buy me a nice dinner."
"$20 would get me a cute shirt."
"for $30, a pair of shoes."
"man! For $40, I could get the perfect pair of jeans."
"UGH! $50!! That's electricity for an entire month!"
Maybe I should start selling plasma again.
As the numbers roll, I think:
"well, $10 could buy me a nice dinner."
"$20 would get me a cute shirt."
"for $30, a pair of shoes."
"man! For $40, I could get the perfect pair of jeans."
"UGH! $50!! That's electricity for an entire month!"
Maybe I should start selling plasma again.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Sex
I've recently started watching Sex and the City somewhat faithfully. It comes on the CW every night as I'm getting into bed, and I'm guilty of both renting a complete season and seeing the new movie. I'm fascinated by their fashion and friendships as well as their complete lack of respect for sex.
I'm openly a virgin. It's most definitely a choice, not an unfortunate lack of options or opportunities. I think relationships are hard enough by themselves. You're trying to get to know someone, feel comfortable with them, build a mutual trust-- why complicate things even more with sex? I've heard you've gotta test drive before you buy. But if all you've ever driven is a Ford and all you will ever drive is a Ford, you love driving a Ford. This isn't complicated...
So anyway, watching this show really got me thinking. I can't imagine how hard it is to be in a new, vulnerable relationship and worrying about sex on top of that. In one episode, Carrie and Mr. Big had been dating for a couple of months, sleeping together frequently, when they went three days without sex. She was freaking out, questioning the relationship, wondering what it meant. I have my fair share of freaking out during relationships, and it usually happens before I've even kissed the guy! In that moment, I just thought, "Wow, I can't imagine going through a break up and trying to get over a guy who I shared something that intimate with."
When I get married (one of these days), I won't have anything to compare with. I won't have to be figuring out a relationship and sex at the same time. I'll be in the most protected, safe relationship of my life.
Just a thought...
I'm openly a virgin. It's most definitely a choice, not an unfortunate lack of options or opportunities. I think relationships are hard enough by themselves. You're trying to get to know someone, feel comfortable with them, build a mutual trust-- why complicate things even more with sex? I've heard you've gotta test drive before you buy. But if all you've ever driven is a Ford and all you will ever drive is a Ford, you love driving a Ford. This isn't complicated...
So anyway, watching this show really got me thinking. I can't imagine how hard it is to be in a new, vulnerable relationship and worrying about sex on top of that. In one episode, Carrie and Mr. Big had been dating for a couple of months, sleeping together frequently, when they went three days without sex. She was freaking out, questioning the relationship, wondering what it meant. I have my fair share of freaking out during relationships, and it usually happens before I've even kissed the guy! In that moment, I just thought, "Wow, I can't imagine going through a break up and trying to get over a guy who I shared something that intimate with."
When I get married (one of these days), I won't have anything to compare with. I won't have to be figuring out a relationship and sex at the same time. I'll be in the most protected, safe relationship of my life.
Just a thought...
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Crazy Dreams
Do you dream vividly? Man, I do.
When I was dating my now ex-boyfriend, I used to have startling dreams about his ex-wife. From what I know, she's not violent, but in my dreams, she would break into my house and attack me. I would wake up totally shaken and freaked out. But they subsided as my feelings for him subsided.
Yesterday, I had a conversation about him, so I guess he was in my subconscious-- fair game for dreamworld. I dreamt last night that I was in Florida for my friend's wedding (his soon-to-be sister-in-law), and his friends kept breaking into my hotel room. One morning, I woke up and the entire place was trashed. The next day, they had written mean things about me all over the walls and ceilings. The last day, I was taking a nap and the front door lock kept locking and unlocking (FYI: That's kinda a big fear of mine). I rushed the door, and a girl was outside. I pulled her inside and pinned her up against the wall. By the way, in dreamworld, I'm really strong. :) I asked her what her problem was. She said she couldn't believe I would say such terrible things about "ex-boyfriend." I asked her if she had any idea what he did to me! We talked for a minute, though I still had her pinned to the wall, and she realized maybe I wasn't such a crazy ex-girlfriend.
Then I woke up.
Sometimes I wish I knew what dreams mean. Am I scared of his friends? Not at all. Do I think they would try to avenge him? No. Do I still have feelings for him? No. But I guess he's still on my mind from time to time. Just weird how our brains work when we're sleeping.
When I was dating my now ex-boyfriend, I used to have startling dreams about his ex-wife. From what I know, she's not violent, but in my dreams, she would break into my house and attack me. I would wake up totally shaken and freaked out. But they subsided as my feelings for him subsided.
Yesterday, I had a conversation about him, so I guess he was in my subconscious-- fair game for dreamworld. I dreamt last night that I was in Florida for my friend's wedding (his soon-to-be sister-in-law), and his friends kept breaking into my hotel room. One morning, I woke up and the entire place was trashed. The next day, they had written mean things about me all over the walls and ceilings. The last day, I was taking a nap and the front door lock kept locking and unlocking (FYI: That's kinda a big fear of mine). I rushed the door, and a girl was outside. I pulled her inside and pinned her up against the wall. By the way, in dreamworld, I'm really strong. :) I asked her what her problem was. She said she couldn't believe I would say such terrible things about "ex-boyfriend." I asked her if she had any idea what he did to me! We talked for a minute, though I still had her pinned to the wall, and she realized maybe I wasn't such a crazy ex-girlfriend.
Then I woke up.
Sometimes I wish I knew what dreams mean. Am I scared of his friends? Not at all. Do I think they would try to avenge him? No. Do I still have feelings for him? No. But I guess he's still on my mind from time to time. Just weird how our brains work when we're sleeping.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Wanna get under my skin? Here's how.
So, I'll be the first to admit that I'm a little obsessive about my Diet Cokes. They aren't cheap! In college, I was perfectly happy splitting a case with a roommate as long as we switched off buying them. If you ever come over to my house and I offer you a Diet Coke, count it a real priviledge. I don't do that for just anyone. If we're at a restaurant, you're more than welcome to drink some of mine because there are free refills. But otherwise, I'm pretty selfish with the D.C.
So, here's the reason for the rant:I work at an elementary school that is housed inside a church building. Yesterday, I bought a 12 pack of Diet Coke to put in the refrigerator here. It's nice to be able to walk down the hall and get one from the fridge. I even went to the trouble of putting a note on the front of the box: "Property of Christen Carter" I taped it over the opening, so someone would have to physically tear the paper off to reach the Diet Cokes. Well, I came to work today (which is Thursday...the day after youth service is held here), and SIX were gone!!!! HALF! Plus, my note was gone. Someone threw away my note and took half of my 12 pack!! Yes, it's just Diet Coke, but it's still stealing! I have half a mind to call their youth pastor, but I won't. UGH!
Don't take my Diet Cokes!
So, here's the reason for the rant:I work at an elementary school that is housed inside a church building. Yesterday, I bought a 12 pack of Diet Coke to put in the refrigerator here. It's nice to be able to walk down the hall and get one from the fridge. I even went to the trouble of putting a note on the front of the box: "Property of Christen Carter" I taped it over the opening, so someone would have to physically tear the paper off to reach the Diet Cokes. Well, I came to work today (which is Thursday...the day after youth service is held here), and SIX were gone!!!! HALF! Plus, my note was gone. Someone threw away my note and took half of my 12 pack!! Yes, it's just Diet Coke, but it's still stealing! I have half a mind to call their youth pastor, but I won't. UGH!
Don't take my Diet Cokes!
Thoughts
I've seen 3 car fires in the last month. Are cars not made like they used to be, or are people driving worse? All three were the results of wrecks. Sometimes I worry when I drive...
There's a lady I know who is in her late 40's, never married, and still looking. My biggest fear is to be her.
I should have been born in the 1800's. I love the women's dresses. I'm sure they were crazy hot, but they were beautiful.
I'm going to Sea World this weekend. Can't wait!
There's a lady I know who is in her late 40's, never married, and still looking. My biggest fear is to be her.
I should have been born in the 1800's. I love the women's dresses. I'm sure they were crazy hot, but they were beautiful.
I'm going to Sea World this weekend. Can't wait!
Monday, May 19, 2008
Hit the Nail on the Head
Have you ever heard of the book "Please Understand Me 2"? It has you take a test and then analyzes your personality. My former college roommate is obsessed with it. I took the test almost 2 years ago, and the results could not have been more dead-on. I felt like someone was reading me my biography. It was almost scary. Anyway... Facebook has a new application called "My Type" that essentially does the same thing. My results, yet again, were perfect. I think I am a bit of an extreme personality. What can I say? :)
All of that to say this, the relationship paragraph was like a page out of my journal. The test measures you in 4 areas, so ESFJ is just my type. I bolded the areas that are totally me:
"For the ESFJ, love means warmth and commitment. When ESFJs first fall in love, they show this warmth and concern for their partner in many tangible ways. They will send cards, notes, flowers, special gifts, and other mementos of their affection. If the partner casually mentions a desire for a specific thing, they will try to find just that thing. Once committed in a relationship, ESFJs tend to stay with it even when there is inconvenience to them and perhaps longer than may be healthy. They are able to bring out the best in their partners, even though it may mean putting their own needs second.
Because ESFJs are caring individuals, they expect to give and receive in their relationships. Because others may not be as thoughtful as the ESFJ, it is a possible source of disappointment to them if they expect the same awareness and caring on the part of the partner. ESFJs may take the end of the relationship as a personal failure.
ESFJs, when scorned, hurt all over and may need to take time to get over the relationship before pursuing a new one. They may too easily and incorrectly blame themselves for the unfavourable outcome and recall instances when perhaps they were not as giving as they might have been. However, ESFJs' standards for giving in a relationship are likely to be above those of some other types. At their worst when scorned, ESFJs can become spiteful and critical of the partner. Because ESFJs are keenly sensitive to others and are tuned in to emotional needs, they really know how to hurt a person in the rare instances when they choose to do so."
If you know me, you know how true this is. If you're on Facebook, go give it a try: http://apps.facebook.com/my-type/
Much love.
All of that to say this, the relationship paragraph was like a page out of my journal. The test measures you in 4 areas, so ESFJ is just my type. I bolded the areas that are totally me:
"For the ESFJ, love means warmth and commitment. When ESFJs first fall in love, they show this warmth and concern for their partner in many tangible ways. They will send cards, notes, flowers, special gifts, and other mementos of their affection. If the partner casually mentions a desire for a specific thing, they will try to find just that thing. Once committed in a relationship, ESFJs tend to stay with it even when there is inconvenience to them and perhaps longer than may be healthy. They are able to bring out the best in their partners, even though it may mean putting their own needs second.
Because ESFJs are caring individuals, they expect to give and receive in their relationships. Because others may not be as thoughtful as the ESFJ, it is a possible source of disappointment to them if they expect the same awareness and caring on the part of the partner. ESFJs may take the end of the relationship as a personal failure.
ESFJs, when scorned, hurt all over and may need to take time to get over the relationship before pursuing a new one. They may too easily and incorrectly blame themselves for the unfavourable outcome and recall instances when perhaps they were not as giving as they might have been. However, ESFJs' standards for giving in a relationship are likely to be above those of some other types. At their worst when scorned, ESFJs can become spiteful and critical of the partner. Because ESFJs are keenly sensitive to others and are tuned in to emotional needs, they really know how to hurt a person in the rare instances when they choose to do so."
If you know me, you know how true this is. If you're on Facebook, go give it a try: http://apps.facebook.com/my-type/
Much love.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Why try to conserve?
Why is it that when you're trying to conserve something, you many times do all but that?
One of my best friends eats all around the center of a cookie, since the middle is the best part, and many times her husband steals the last bite. Another friend found out her favorite lip gloss was being discontinued and bought 10 tubes. She misplaced 9.
This morning I was putting on my make up. Wait. Let me back up-- I have a favorite eye shadow. For the ladies out there, you know how the search for the perfect highlighting shadow takes years? Well, about 3 years ago, I stumbled upon Rimmel's Cool Touch eyeshadow. It starts creamy then dries and NEVER moves. I'm in a love relationship with this stuff, but for the life of me, I can't find it anymore in the store. It may have been discontinued. :( Back to my story. I have about 1/2 a tube left and try to use as little as possible each day. This morning, I wasn't paying attention (the result of putting make up on at work), and squeezed out about 5 times what I usually use! I tried to scoop some back into the nozzle, but it was fruitless. I wanted to cry.
In other news, it's Friday. This weekend should be loads of fun.
One of my best friends eats all around the center of a cookie, since the middle is the best part, and many times her husband steals the last bite. Another friend found out her favorite lip gloss was being discontinued and bought 10 tubes. She misplaced 9.
This morning I was putting on my make up. Wait. Let me back up-- I have a favorite eye shadow. For the ladies out there, you know how the search for the perfect highlighting shadow takes years? Well, about 3 years ago, I stumbled upon Rimmel's Cool Touch eyeshadow. It starts creamy then dries and NEVER moves. I'm in a love relationship with this stuff, but for the life of me, I can't find it anymore in the store. It may have been discontinued. :( Back to my story. I have about 1/2 a tube left and try to use as little as possible each day. This morning, I wasn't paying attention (the result of putting make up on at work), and squeezed out about 5 times what I usually use! I tried to scoop some back into the nozzle, but it was fruitless. I wanted to cry.
In other news, it's Friday. This weekend should be loads of fun.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Junior High
This past weekend I went home for Mother's Day. Since you can't tell your mother "no" on Mother's Day, I agreed to clean out my closet. Every time I've moved to and from college, to New Jersey, Houston, McKinney...more and more stuff has been left in that closet. I thought she wanted me to go through a few things, but she had a totally different idea. Everything either went to Goodwill, the trash, in the attic, or back to McKinney with me. Needless to say, I know where my organizational skills came from. :)
As I was pulling things out, I found some long lost treasures, to say the least. Three prom dress, a Chick Fil A work shirt, hundreds, maybe thousands, of pictures, cheerleading uniforms, and thousands of notes and letters. I relived 24 years of memories-- I've had some great times!
The notes and letters were probably the most interesting to me. Kelli (Cantwell) Mellema and I wrote dozens of letters back and forth. These were definitely the days before email. I'm pretty sure I've saved every card, letter, and note I've ever received. I got a real kick out of my junior high drama. Note after note asked who I liked, if I thought so-and-so would go out with her, and they were all signed the same way-- "I love ? You love ?" Of course, those question marks were replaced with the latest boyfriend-- Mark, Matt, Nathan, Chad, Adam, Matt again, Chad again.
Some excepts from my personal favorites:"Dear Christen, Don't show anyone this. For your eyes only. The thing that I said I knew is that you like my boyfriend. I can't tell you who told me. But I could tell you liked him. You're always talking about him. I'm pretty mad at you, well not really. I love you! Best friends forever! P.S. He doesn't like you."
"Dear Agent Jen (aka Christen), Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to find me a boyfriend. I think the guy I've been telling you about is over you-know-who, so try to get him to ask me out. This message will self-destruct in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 BOOM"
I think I stopped breathing from laughter when I found a note that had obviously been crumpled up and found or stolen or something by me. It was a conversation between two unidentified people-- a guy and a girl. They were talking about someone, but the last line is what got me: "I can't believe you voted C.Carter prettiest just because of her butt." For the record, I was never voted prettiest, but I obviously caused some drama with my backside. ;)
Overall, I decided, I was pretty shallow, not always the best friend, and quite boy crazy. I'm glad things have changed. Well, two out of three is good. ;)
To a life full of crazy, wonderful, hysterical memories, I'm so glad I got to relive it for a weekend.
As I was pulling things out, I found some long lost treasures, to say the least. Three prom dress, a Chick Fil A work shirt, hundreds, maybe thousands, of pictures, cheerleading uniforms, and thousands of notes and letters. I relived 24 years of memories-- I've had some great times!
The notes and letters were probably the most interesting to me. Kelli (Cantwell) Mellema and I wrote dozens of letters back and forth. These were definitely the days before email. I'm pretty sure I've saved every card, letter, and note I've ever received. I got a real kick out of my junior high drama. Note after note asked who I liked, if I thought so-and-so would go out with her, and they were all signed the same way-- "I love ? You love ?" Of course, those question marks were replaced with the latest boyfriend-- Mark, Matt, Nathan, Chad, Adam, Matt again, Chad again.
Some excepts from my personal favorites:"Dear Christen, Don't show anyone this. For your eyes only. The thing that I said I knew is that you like my boyfriend. I can't tell you who told me. But I could tell you liked him. You're always talking about him. I'm pretty mad at you, well not really. I love you! Best friends forever! P.S. He doesn't like you."
"Dear Agent Jen (aka Christen), Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to find me a boyfriend. I think the guy I've been telling you about is over you-know-who, so try to get him to ask me out. This message will self-destruct in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 BOOM"
I think I stopped breathing from laughter when I found a note that had obviously been crumpled up and found or stolen or something by me. It was a conversation between two unidentified people-- a guy and a girl. They were talking about someone, but the last line is what got me: "I can't believe you voted C.Carter prettiest just because of her butt." For the record, I was never voted prettiest, but I obviously caused some drama with my backside. ;)
Overall, I decided, I was pretty shallow, not always the best friend, and quite boy crazy. I'm glad things have changed. Well, two out of three is good. ;)
To a life full of crazy, wonderful, hysterical memories, I'm so glad I got to relive it for a weekend.
Nice to Meet You
I feel the need to reach through this computer screen, shake your hand, and welcome you to my life. How do I convey to you who I am in a mere few sentences? In college, I learned outlines communicate a lot of information in a small space. So, let's try bullet points.
- Can't really cook.
- Doesn't love to clean.
- Devours reality t.v.
- Has an old, fat cat.
- Has a knack for finding guys with issues.
- Longest relationship to date-- 6 months
- Isn't much for shopping.
- LOVES her family.
- Claims to love Coldplay. Doesn't really.
- Has moved 14 times.
- City girl by day, country girl at heart.
- Grew up in a Christian home, continues in these beliefs, promises not to force-feed them to you. :)
- Bachelor's in English
- Mid-twenties
- Worked as a flight attendant for 8 months
- Currently works at an elementary school
Hello! It's nice to have you. Grab a seat. It's been a wild ride thus far, and it doesn't look like anything's changing soon.
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