During my stint in Master's, I really, really struggled with who I was and who God said I was. I couldn't get it through my head that God really does love me more than anything and wants to see me succeed and prosper. It was a daily battle (usually accompanied with tears) of asking God to show me my worth. Finally, towards the end, his Word revealed so much truth to me. These verses echoed in my heart daily as a reminder of who God says I am:
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Psalm 139:5 You hem me in�behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
After Master's, I knew all these things to be true, but I felt somewhat neutral about it all. I didn't feel worthless, but I didn't feel this surge of love like I had in Master's either. So for the last year and a half, my life has been good but without a lot of "God moments" (my Master's friends understand).
But the last month has been amazing. Ever since that chapel service about dreaming, my heart has been alive. Daily, God points out to me the love and genuine affection he has for me. I feel confident about me (I don't necessarily mean the outward), knowing that God chose me, He loves me, and no matter what, I will never lose that.
The future is so open right now. I have no commitments, no real plans. I don't know what's in store for careers or relationships, or whether I'll ever get my master's degree. And yet not a thing about any of it scares me. I'm confident in the Lord's will for my life. And I'm resting upon it.
I love this old song:
Lord, you have my heart, and I will search for your's. Jesus, take my life and lead me on.
Christen
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