Day 10: Messed Up Things

Day 10: The Person You Do The Most ****** Up Things With

I've struggled to start writing this blog. My life has been anything but perfect. I had someone in mind whom I was going to write about, but I couldn't bring myself to give glory to that time in my life.

I lived a very good life until I was 23. I may be shattering some of y'all's mental images of me right now, but for about 3 years, I made bad decision after bad decision. It started small, as most sin does. It didn't seem like a big deal at first, but small things grow (like the rumor weed on Veggie Tales). It got to the place where I wasn't even being honest with myself.

About a year ago, I realized how much I hated the person I'd become. A lot of it had to do with guilt that I couldn't let go. I would ask the Lord to forgive me over and over, yet I couldn't forgive myself. I felt like I should have "known better" or been stronger.

One day in early spring, I went to the student center at my church and "had it out" with God. I realized that the unforgiveness for myself that I was carrying around was 100x's worse than the sin I had already asked forgiveness for. I committed from that day forward to let it go.

And I have.

The Lord has required big things from me. Major friendships in my life have changed. I will always treasure certain people, but I can't invest any more time. Weekend activities have changed. Family time has become huge in my life. And my prayer time has changed. I am no longer begging for forgiveness. It is a gift.

I am forgiven. I have forgiven myself. I am thankful for the life God has given me.

Much love.