Being fully known...

Do you ever just want to be known? I'm talking fully and completely known without being judged or catagorized or shoved into a mold. I think I'm at that place where I'm tired of being part of the crowd. I don't want to necessarily look or act or sound like anyone else. No, I don't want to be a complete stranger, but I don't need to fit in anymore.

So that leaves me wanting to be understood. I want someone who will listen to my thoughts, hear my heart, know my intentions, and see my motives. I'm thinking differently than I ever have before, and it scares me. I don't need it to scare someone else.

I guess that's one of the many beauties of God. He is all these things. I don't have to justify my thoughts to him. He understands. When I can't put into words my deepest thoughts, he knows. I find myself trying to explain to God what I'm thinking, and I laugh because he already knows. Sometimes I'll just say, "Oh you know what I'm trying to say."

I started reading Blue Like Jazz tonight. I can already tell it's going to mess with my head. Donald Miller is speaking my language. He writes as if he is your best friend and is telling you a story. I sat in Hastings grinning from ear to ear because for the first time I thought to myself, this author gets me. Those thoughts about Christianity, religion, church, relationships, etc., that I think but cannot, and many times will not, express...he hits the nail on the head.

Are we doing church correctly? Think about it. I'm serious. Take a good look at the New Testament and how Jesus spread his message. How often did he "preach" to large crowds in a way that resembles our church services? Very rarely. I'm not saying that Sunday morning church is ineffective or wrong, but I do think it has become a convenient fix to our religious quota. I believe small groups are more on the right track. Jesus met with groups of people, mainly friends, over supper, in their homes. He built meaningful, loving relationships. Think back to your salvation (or someone you know who is saved). Did you go down to an altar at a church where you knew no one? Possibly. But more likely, someone who cared about you and devoted time and energy into your life led you to the Lord or brought you to church.

We were created for relationships. With God. With each other. What a concept.